Well I was wrong on with that kind of thought. Don’t get me wrong though, I do love her to bits and I do admire the relaxed nature of her family. It first got weird when I came into the room late whilst her mother was thanking the family for coming to see her daughter off. Then she jerked her head to me and two other friends and kidded about how we wriggled into their private function sarcastically.
I laughed it off and gave her mother a hug and asked my friend if her mother had been drinking. She turned to me and said in the most dismal tone, “the worst part is she’s not even drunk yet.” I was alright with it as I had been handed a few glasses of champagne and I was the one who had been drinking. But there was not enough alcohol in the world to allow me to escape the meaty feast that had sprawled across the table.
EVERYTHING WAS COVERED AND ROLLED IN PROSCIUTTO. Even the rockmelon slices were not spared. Everything, I mean literally everything was rolled in slices of meat. The worst part was that in the end, everything tasted like salt and oil. It surprised me because my friend was actually a vegetarian.
With more alcohol to wash down my politeness in consuming slabs of meat and fruit covered in meat I met her younger brother and a few strange encounters were exchanged between us. (Including the time where he leapt at me leaving me wedged behind the sofa)
This is a recollection of some of the dialogue shared between us
Me: Hello there. How old are you? Are you five? Or are you six?
Little Boy: I’m not five. I’m bigger than five. I’m bigger than you! But I’m not six because that’s really old.
Me: Then what are you then little man?
Little boy: I’m five and a half years old.
So with our introductions out of the way, he began asking me questions, which I was told by his sister that he was trying to flirt with me.
Little boy: do you know how to count to ten?
Me: I sure do. I can do more magical stuff with my numbers. (I did extension 2 mathematics in high school)
As I tried walking away, he ran up to me and pulled up my skirt and held onto my thighs, refusing to let go. I shook him off violently only to hear him say, “Slobber, slobber you have my slobber all over you.” I found out momentarily that in an act of revenge he had drooled all over my left arm and my upper thigh. Frustrated, I went for more alcohol but he was damn persistent at his "slobbering."
He went on to tell me about his kindergarten class and he described his posse of six girls that follow him everywhere, so I asked him, “are you married to any of them?” To which he replied, “I have six girlfriends,” and after a short pause he yelled “NO! Twenty” and after another short pause he screamed “ I HAVE A HUNDREDS GIRLFRIENDS!! Yeah a hundred.”
Trying to keep him occupied and not destroying everyone and everything around him, I asked, “So tell me about your girlfriends.”
He replied, “They’re all hot.”
The whole room fell silent. Everyone turned to me and just looked at me in bewilderment. His grandmother looked at me and asked “Did he just say hot?” By at that point we all knew he was a flirty little five and a half year old boy.
Oh and another thing, her cousin called my ice cream cake melting as “a nuclear holocaust in the making.” To which I stopped consuming.
And at the end of the lunch I had a bottle of champagne to myself which made everything worthwhile. That was before they stopped serving me alcohol. Overall, I enjoyed the company of middle aged to old Italians enjoying a family lunch. I actually enjoy awkward moments and nothing can beat it except awkward family moments (even if it’s not with your own family!). So tell me, what are some of the awkward family situations you have been through? Give us a shout and share your story. The more awkwardness the better!
Oh and at the end of the lunch before the little man went off to watch his star wars marathon, he went around the room licking other people's knees.
And off to work! (Because blogging gets me no monies)
Lillian
Also, I didn't take the image. But the same idea applies!
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