I feel nothing.

I explained to a friend today.
Feeling nothing, is the most obvious way of seeing that you don't feel nothing.
It's like when someone says, 'It's alright.'
That's probably the best indicator that it's NOT alright.
Well, excluding the cases with a simpler context.

Today was a long and somewhat confusing day.
Emotionally confusing for one, that I must admit to.
Being a guy doesn't really encompass expressing yourself.
Well, I'm a guy, and I'm doing it now.
Okay, okay, laugh all you want.

But it's not just that. I had hours to think today.
'I feel nothing' came out like it was a statement that was thrown around every time this topic was touched.
But... perhaps it was too carelessly said.
So I immediately said what I thought.
I don't get to do that much.
Apparently I have to keep all my thoughts and feelings to myself.
Any expression would just be used to slap me right across my face.

And yes, my friend was indeed hurt. And completely lost.
This'll be anti-climactic, but my phone rang.
I just hope my explanation of that simple concept remained in the air.
Long enough to be taken in,
to be thought about.

And after a whole day of thinking, acting, pretending.
Actually feeling. Feeling quite strongly actually.
It was all too much.
I was like a robot.
My mum rang me. My friend rang me.
Both times. I pulled out my phone.
Looked at it. And realised I needed to pick it up.
I slid the bar of the iPhone to answer the calls.
But they had stopped ringing.

Wherever I went today.
I walked alone most of the way.
My man TSD was able to accompany a not-so-talkative Jyamaigo for a little ways.
But other than that. It felt like there was no one around.
The person I wanted by my side the most,
Well, I don't want to think of what she was doing.

And so my conclusion today?
I can tell y'all right now.
Listen carefully.
Read precisely.

I feel nothing.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo