The curtains are slowly closing.

Hey there,

It's been quite a while since I've rambled on here. I either noticed that it was getting annoying, or I just haven't had the time to even post. I'd like to say LG, life's good, and get the hell on with whatever I'm doing with a big smile. But it's not so, and although sometimes lying can be the easiest thing to do when you're feeling the heat, or just being lazy. There's are only so many tales you can conjure up and tell, before everyone gets the gist, then suddenly, you'll be the one wondering what's real, and what's not.

Dealing with what's happened was, is and is still hard. My intrinsic motivation, my determination to prove myself, my complete effort and concentration... it's all turned into a huge burden, which I'm half-assedly pulling along. Telling everyone how fun and enjoyable it is, it IS what I want. It's like sitting down to a feast of the highest class, and most delicious food, only to have no company. It feels terrible.

Someone said they understood everything, that finally, they understood how it felt. I'm afraid they're wrong. They still have no idea. Thinking of all the negative effects upon yourself is easy, accepting what you've done, and knowing what your actions have caused is how anyone starts to see what went wrong. You can't blame people though, because now it seems there is the finest line between an excuse, and the true reason. The truth.

Time passes, and misunderstandings will remain misunderstandings until a heart to heart conversation can be had. At the moment it doesn't seem like anyone's ready for that. People are either too eagerly taking, giving, or blindly hiding.

And now I realise, that even though everyone knows communication is the most important thing. I, myself, have only just found out, that there is so much more to it.

And as for that closing curtain.
I'm still to find out which side of it I'm on.


Mr. Jyamaigo.