Death of an Old Friend

I'm tryna go beyond love, and this is hard to translate
Love is good, but to me, good is just the enemy of great
You wanna make it to the top, but you don't got what it take
...
I used to love ya, I think to hold ya
You didn't know me, it was only just a mirage

Just the enemy of great. Just an enemy of the state. The state being the mind. It still fucks with me that it can fuck with me. My head is mine, not yours. You don't own me. What have you done for me lately? I don't see no rings on these fingers! So please just give me it back. I used to love you. Not anymore.

They told me I was talented. They told me I could go places. "You're smart," they said. "We've never seen anyone like you." You were inclined to agree. You made me believe them. They showed me how to be the person I was, how to take an uncut gem, mould it, polish it, complete it. Then you took it. And you spun it. Round and round and round my head. You showed me love. But you did me wrong.

You made me complacent. You told me I could do what I wanted. We went everywhere together, you and I. We were good together. It was love. It was freedom. It was everything I thought I needed. It was mine. You were mine. But mines tend to explode. Right in your face. And they take a leg and half your face with them.

Complacency wasn't what I needed. Walking through a field with all these "mine"s. It was only a matter of time. I had my finger on the pin and you were holding a bag of grenades. I often portray an invincible image. We tested that, you and I. Together, we blew each other apart.

The war was terrible. The battlefield became my home. Except this home isn't hospitable. It seeks to kill you. To draw you out. To take everything you have, strip you bare and take it all. It did that. Stranded. Alone. In pain.

Fighting you was impossible. I surrendered my pride and I surrendered the battle. I took the L. But it was from that L that I found victory. I learnt more in defeat than I ever had preparing for you. I had a doctor that patched me back up. He bound me together. He gave me all the rehab I needed. He gave me everything I needed. Taught me to turn coal into diamonds. With pressure.

Now, I've beaten you. You were good. But now I'm great. You were lukewarm but now I'm a raging inferno. You had what I thought I wanted but now I have everything I know I need. I've left you and everything about you behind. Forgiven but not forgotten. It is a learning experience after all. Now you don't fuck with me anymore. I fuck with you.

Goodbye psychosis. Goodbye my old life. Goodbye old thoughts. Goodbye lukewarm asshole. Goodbye old friend.

You are my past. You are my conscience. You are my mind. You are everything I hated about myself. You are just a series of chemical signals in my brain. You are me. But not anymore. Because you're dead.

And I pulled the trigger.

It was just a mirage,

Patty McFatty