Moody

Cheer up bub~
I know you're moody~
But, it's not so bad!
You have a cute smile,
That brings warmth and joy!
So smile! ^_____^


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

I'm not crazy

Problems arise.
Dilemmas established.

Both wanting what's assumed to be,
The right thing.

Take a step back,
Smile,
Don't overthink.

The thinking process is hard to control.
Usually it's a bell curve.
Starting low, going high,
It hits a certain point though.
Then It goes down and just keeps going down.
So in essence. It's a demented bell curve.

So don't think too much.
Think happy.
Think like we all use to.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Not even...

Texts not answered.
No time apparently, not even a spare minute.
Jam-packed day.... with friends... sound busy?
I can't even find a laugh in me about this.

No goodnight.
Just 'ciao'.

Just when you feel like you've gotten closer.
Just when you feel like you're getting a steady grip.
The mountain crumbles.
The skies laugh, Slaves smirk,
the queen of the mountain simply smiles.
Sarcastic sympathy;
Just so you'll keep climbing.

Being me. I will keep climbing.
Because I want to. I hope there really is something called...
'Feelings' in people.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Ain't it funny?

Studying all night, doing nothing all day.
I wanted to do something.
Have lunch. Even if it wasn't strictly abiding to my diet.
I couldn't care less what I ate.
Just wanted to eat it with someone special.

What's it mean...
When no matter what combination of words come out of your mouth...
Is always tagged with a negative motive by the listener?
What's it mean...
When you're the only one it's happening to...
Everyone else gets a fair say (pun, indeed, intended)
What do you do?

Don't talk?


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

P.S. Continuing to hope for that little bit of hope.

Never Enough

Heated day, one of my bud's got crushed pretty hard today, chasin' after what he wanted for so long. He was so sure. Of everything. He even fitted the definition of being cute. That's how head over heels he was. But most things are never as they seem. And when he finally got the chance, he was 'beaming' as another friend simply but accurately described. But when he saw...when he felt...when he was shattered on the spot...it was over. There wasn't even a single word exchanged. Then he realised, as we all did with him, he never had a chance at all. It never even 'started'.

Oh the pain he must be feeling.
Now he can't even look at her in the eye.
No, wait...now he doesn't even want to look her in the eye.
Being as naive and innocent as he was. It's strange though. Even he, the non-drinker, said he wanted to get shitfaced. We must all really have the wrong impression of a drink.

I feel for you brother. I know you'll take it like a man and soldier on.
Take it easy. We all here with you.

On a lighter note though. Today was strange, hanging with a slightly different group of friends, realising they knew people that I didn't quite get along with, yet wondering how they were so different.

I'm starting to eat a lot healthier too, it was an immediate drop from everyday food, to the cleanest diet i have ever had. Hopefully this will work out for me, I'll be moar than happy if it does.

Work was smooth too; busy as hell, but I was a machine, getting through every interview like Ludacris rapping his everyday song.

My progress for my extra studies have been hindered for quite a while now. I want to get my clients done and trained within the next two weeks. I want to get this last certificate. Not to prove anything. Or to anyone. But to prove to myself that I can get things done.

Well, my baby sister's birthday tomolo, hope y'all wish her a happy birthday, and imma wish her happy birthday right here, and tomolo, when she have her birthday, on St. Patrick's Day too! Y'all better wear something GREEN! hahahaha

Alrite, I'm out.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

What I want.

Today was a good day. Wind blowing my hair back as I set foot on the warm sand, sinking gently with every step as each granule of sand swam past my toes, thongs in one hand, other hand loosely hanging off the gym sack strapped on my shoulder. The sun blazed down, but the wind transformed the stinging sun into a warm aura around me. The clear azure sky, lined with a single stretch of cloud. The water beckoning for me forward, the calm waves lapped graciously over one another as I approached. Setting my bag down and dropping my thongs next to my bag I walked straight up to the beach. There was no hesitation as you would when taking ur first steps off the shore and joining the ocean. It was almost like there was no water, and I was just walking down a gentle and moist surface. I walked till the water was at my stomach, turned to face the shore, outstretched my arms and felt as the ocean lifted me off my feet. All the ocean worshipping what had finally become part of it. The shore began to disappear as I looked to the sky, floating in the water.

The last sound of a simple wave breaking, and I woke.
That's where the good day stopped.

What do I want? I'd say not much, but with no comparison, it would seem like a heckload. So I'll say it. There's a lot I want. I want someone who genuinely cares. Someone who I can talk to. Someone who'll be blindly sympathetic sometimes. Someone who'll be empathetic every once in a while. Someone who wouldn't mind 'PDA' in the presence of their friends. Someone who WANTS to know how my day was. Someone who CARES when I'm hurt. Someone who just wants to talk to me. Someone who can make me feel like I'm a little moar special than everyone else every now and then. Someone who wants to sit next to me instead of opposite me at a restaurant. Someone who hugs me from behind while I'm ordering fast food or take-out. Someone who wants to share their emotions with me. Someone who I can exchange responses of our emotions with. Someone who doesn't think negatively of me. Someone who doesn't assume what I'm going to say. Someone who thinks and knows that I want them to be the happiest they can be. Someone who knows that I'm not trying to judge them. Someone who doesn't explode and pull up barriers especially for me. Someone who WANTS to hold my hand wherever we are. Someone who doesn't see everything I do or say in a negative light.

Maybe I'm ugly. Maybe I'm sad. Maybe if I'm just plain hideous. Maybe looking at me makes you hate me. But I just want to show that certain someone, that just because I might seem to be a scary person, or because I look like the 'type' to cause pain. I'm not. I'm just me.

I'm lonely.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

P.S. TSD bro. I gotta train ya. GYM SOMETIME. Let me know when you're free at the gym with no distractions. This is gonna be one hell of a gym sesh bro.
And to y'all out there, keep goin' at the cryptic. I'll reveal the answer after a couple moar posts.

Needs. Wants.

I'm gonna assume we all know what we need and what we want. The difference is obvious right?
Food, need. Sweets, want. But that's not always how it goes. And we're usually smiling cheekily and then regretting frantically as we get moar of what we want than what we actually need. Getting fat is probably one of the most suitable examples =P hahahaha, and we all have been guilty of this.

But what I want to talk bout today isn't about materialistic needs or wants. It's about how so very close a want can come to a need. So close, it basically feels like a need. See when it comes to people around you and non-materialistic things, it starts to be the other way around. What you do for your friends and family - if you think real hard and keep it strictly technical - are not because you NEED to, but because you WANT to. I know a lot of people would disagree with me, so it's okay to go crazy at what I just said.

But that's what I mean to say. You punch your friend, curse at him/her, insult him/her, but you would gladly do the same to those who will cause this friend any discomfort. And that's where I'm starting to see the difference in seriousness in which people take the idea of needs and wants. And usually, we're all smart enough to not have trouble with mixing up the two. But it's whose needs and wants you cater for, that make ALL the difference.

That's all I wanted to say on that matter. I was disturbed and lost my train of thought. SiiGH.

Well, here's a scenario. What if you were going to plan an outing. A moar than normal outing. And you're told that it's not a good time. No reason. And when you ask for a reason. Shunned. And you get that feeling that you shouldn't ask anymoar.
Being intelligent. You think for a while. And you hypothesize a scenario to fill in the gap for the reason. And you come up with one that you fear, yet sounds completely reasonable. Still you're a bit irritated. If that's what it was. Why not just say?
Well. You sit around on your ass. Bathe in ur negative thought stream which has now become a negative swamp. You can't take it. You find something to do. You need...a Distraction. So you forget. Temporarily. Everything becomes neutral.
Time passes.
You finally talk. Wasn't any form of communication for moar than a few hours. Your hypothesized idea returns to your mind. You feel uneasy. You tip toe around the fact you want to know. Turns out? It was e.x.a.c.t.l.y as you had thought. Now the main question. Why not say? and then...
Why pretend that it was a surprise when you knew it was going to happen? Should you have just made that time your time? Maybe it could've been you that was there. But it wasn't. And you've missed your chance. You're another step further from being closer.
You're losing it.

So?


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Happy Rainy Day. Sad Sunny Day.

Grrls and Boys. How CRAZY was the weather today? was like DAYUM. raining and keeping us grilling at 30+ degrees, was kinda a bit much for my senses. However, I believe every day has it's balance. And my baby grrl shifted the day to a landslide victory by just waving at me and smiling and allowing me to enjoy lunch with her. Y'all know, she already fine, but then she comes back from overseas, and she lookin' even MOAR finee ;P make this boy wonder how she does it. In tip top shape and heading back to work just a day after she back from overseas. Gotta give it to her, she my Miss Independent =P cool right? hahaha

Well, it was exactly one of those days, you know when it's raining horribly outside, pelting so hard at the windows you can't even hear yourself think or pelting down so hard on you coz ur trying to get to safe ground that it feels like its just beating you up while you run. But then you get a smile or text or whatever it may be, and you light right up. Smiling like an idiot now, nothing can get you now, you feel immune to the rain, you don't even need to look where you're going, you just know.

Then there's also the flip side, where the perfect weather and all just becomes either numbed by a shitty something that happened, it could be dropping ice cream coz you wanted to help someone out, or it could be that no one seems to have any time, and you just gotta be happy by urself (y'all know right? when y'all happy, you wanna let errybody know and you wanna share it) Then the perfect sun, and the perfectly drawn sky with clouds like they painted just pause, and it's all nothing but an incorrect background to the wrong situation. Like when you wanted to talk to someone, but just as you smile and open ur mouth simultaneously, that person just turns around at the same time and ur left with nothing but unspoken words.
It's especially like when you're about to give a kiss, and it's not much, but the other person just slightly moves to the side, and you're left chasing, but you don't want to feel like an idiot. So you're just there, lips all puckered up, with nothing but thin air to dry them off. It feels so shit. And yes, I've only very recently found out how it feels.

I heard that letting someone go and be free, would be the best way to show them you truly care for them. But i find that the moar you do that. The moar distance there is. And it's like a bridge you jsut continually build and build, hoping that one day itll be so strong that nothing can break it down, or get in the way. But what happens to a bridge that gets built too long? It gets too heavy for its own weight and just collapses in on itself. then you're left with hundreds and thousands of miles between. With nothing but thin air. Just like the kiss.

I wonder if too much thinking leads to bipolar disease. Coz seriously, if I had bipolar disease, I don't think anyone around me that knows me would notice. Coz yeah, I'm that strange already. Or maybe it's just chronic depression. Coz at least bipolar people get to feel similar amounts of sadness AND happiness.

Not feeling too good now. I'll post up again soon,
oh yeah, any of y'all figured out the cryptic from the previous post yet?


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

A watery G note about the lonely man (8)

And yeah, that ain't the msn emoticon for the music symbol. It's a cryptic. The highest regards to the few that may decipher it. Courtesy of Shadowlordz. And to y'all? have at it.

I stand alone. All that was once there, is now either gone, or engraved by fyre into my memories. Every step hurting doesn't even measure up anymoar. Everytime i THINK, it will hurt. There's no preventing or dodging. It WILL hurt.

I'm pretty sure I know why everything's the way it is. But because I know, I also don't understand why or how it became so. What have I done?

But bring it back round. Don't let those negative thoughts get the best of me. Coz as I saw on a website i checked out. It never gets easier...You just get better...
And as long as there is a chance, ya boy right here's not gonna stop. I take my chances and opportunities, and i'm gonna do what i gotta do to get where i gotta go. Even if my life is just one step, I'm gonna make sure it's one hell of a step that I take. Worst is, maybe I ain't even started yet. Maybe this is the pre-warmup, which precedes the warmup, which leads to the pre workout, followed by the workout, which precedes the post workout, then the cooldown. TSD tell em what the cooldown consists of.

Day free tomolo. Gonna hopefully see my baby grrl, after a full month and moar of not seeing her pretty face. Hope she's happy and rested upp, and hope work don't get too busy for her. Can't wait to see her~

Alrite boys and grrls. Ya boy's gonna call it a night for bloggin' and be back soon with another post some other time.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

4 Hours Less.

Hey,
Y'all doin' well? Hope y'all doin' better than the Sydney weather. Coz that's definitely not on Santa's nice list. And even tho i mention santa. I really hope the weather don't go lastin' that long being as terrible as it is. First week of uni down, never felt moar tired. But easing in back to uni didn't feel like much at all, it just feels like we've been thrown back into the middle of a semester and we're all already at the phase where we're all too tired to even listen already. Funny how most of the stuff they teachin' us was already taught last year tho so idk.

Works good, lifes gonna be a lot less boring now, coz my baby grrls back. She had a great timee and i'm happy for that =P Found out that my mayne TSD still needa follow my directions when parking, coz that car ain't gon park itself =P

Well, oh yeah! the 4 hour less thing. I always forget to talk about what I name the damned post LOL the 4 hour less referred to the lecturers and members of the biomechanics faculty being generous and allowing for a lecture to be 4 hours earlier so we don't have to wait 4 hours due to our tutorial from another course. sweet right? I gotta agree. spending so much time at uni's gonna make me implode, then explode, then resurrect to study some moar and then die. The four hours less also refers to my baby grrl coming back from the 4 hour difference! YAY! xDD mad right? I always knew i was mega smart at making connections LOL i kid.

One day of work, a few hours of rest, then another day of rest before the wrath of the uni week takes over again. And again. And again. SiiGH.

Well, I'm a lil tired from a lil bit here and a lil bit there. or maybe nothing's affecting me and i'm just being so lazy im tired :S LOL hahahaha

Aight then,


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo