Not now.

One the verge of following apart. I know exactly how that feels.

Downloaded a whole bunch of movies.
Not going to watch them though.
Just thought I'd download them, to have.
Bruce Almighty
Changeling
God Bless America
Happiness is a Warm Blanket Charlie Brown
Happy Feet Two
Liar Liar
Mirror Mirror
Pitch Black
Riddick
Red Tails
The Flowers of War
Taken (watched this one before, many times)
Total Recall
Wanderlust
Wrath of the Titans

That's about it.
Worked today,
Moar work tomolo,
apparently it's not tiring because I like what I'm doing.
That's like saying everyone can eat ice cream forever and not get tired.
I'll like it, which'll make it easier to deal with, yes.
But I am also human, so yeah, getting tired would be natural.
Whether I liked it or not.
Work's all lined up.
Another thing coming to a close.
Signalling another beginning.
It's neverending, I guess that's how it goes.

First time having a go at using a foam roller.
Was the most painful stuff I've tried in AGES.
But after using it, I would say it feels like a massage,
But I've never had a proper massage before, so I wouldn't know.
Apparently that's what it feels like though.
Was comfortable, and I felt like I could go straight for another gym sesh.

Anyway, it's getting late,
and normal people would go to sleep about now,
students would continue cramming till later on,
gamers would go further,
and the night owls would sleep when the sun rose.

Half the year's gone by, moar than half I should say,
Too much has changed, and yet, not much has changed at the same time.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

No voices.

Apparently a wrong turn.
Now that doesn't hurt at all, does it?
I spoke, I thought.
But with no reply or any word.
What's there for one to think?
I remember once, or a lot of times maybe.
I heard this about english essays.
'Show, don't tell.'
I've waited for both the show,
and the tell.
Neither seem to care,
and yet somehow it's meant something...
completely different. It didn't add up.
I was never good at conveying my expressions.
Not even my written expression was up to scratch.
Which I'm sure you can all see from my blog.

But one thing everyone can tell the difference between,
is whether something is meant in a nice way,
or if it was meant in a ... moar neutral to not-so-nice way.

I was feeling good today,
so I wanted to talk.
I have much to say about how I'm going.
But then two things hit me.
1. No one cares
2. Secret successes are often moar surprising,
and yield a moar positive response.

It's like going back to square one.
Back to my idea of how it doesn't matter how much you say.
It all comes down to whether you've done it or not.
People don't care about the journey, apparently.
I certainly hope they DO care about the journey.
Otherwise the journals and codices of history and success stories would be..
much, much shorter.

Still have NO idea what I should do.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Chills to the bone.

I care
As if you do.
I do. Will you be okay?
Yeah, always am.

No you're not.
I'm going to say that you already have finished studying,
or that you know most of what you are going to be tested on,
so you throw this argument at me.
Because if you did not, and you still decided to act this way,
it would be irrational.
I'll be happy if you emerge from the exam smiling and knowing you did
alrite at least, if you had aced it, that would be the best outcome.
I wouldn't be annoyed at the fact that you lied to me.

If you didn't lie however. And you actually were not ready,
and you threw those answers at me without a second thought.
I can do nothing but cross my fingers, and hope the test is as easy as it can be,
for your sake.
Goodluck nonetheless.

On another note.

This world is filled with people who are not able to control what they think,
and moar so, what they do.
Every act of belief, is already contradicted.
Every word of advice, comes from a mistake.
Every insult, reveals a compliment.

It's just how it works.
There's no explaining.
There's no pure side.
To be honest, in my eyes...
there is no wrong or right.

It's funny though.
Because there is a social norm.
There are also norms kept between people with similar thought processes,
or those with a similar mindset, regardless of their execution/thought process.

Just like a journey,
like the people you meet.
If the destination's the same,
If the help you receive differs.
It will only ever matter,
to those who think it matters.
Otherwise it's far from priceless.
It would simply be worthless.

I wish I could talk to you properly,
I haven't talked to you in so long.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Typography.

typography

noun

The art or practice of setting and arranging type; typesetting.

The practice or process of printing with type.

Prior to copy and pasting that. I didn't actually properly know what it was.

And I probably will forget what it is in the matter of minutes.

Designing some stuff, playing around with new fonts and texts.

Was pretty fun, didn't keep my interest for long though.

Back to nothing again.

Waiting for my Grado SR60i's to come in.

In real need of something to keep my ears and hence my mind occupied.

Hopefully.

SiiGH.

Take it easy,

Mr. Jyamaigo

Over.

Not nearly.
Now that it's all over.
The brain flicks straight to thinking bout the results.
Ain't no fun in that right?
But I'm pretty unsettled about it.
And when I'm distracted,
it isn't much help either.
Because distractions just make me realise what time I'm wastin'.

Cold from the night before till the morning after.
Missed out on the fun yesterday
All the uni mates went out to have a blast,
I went to work.
G to the G, I say.
Hopefully this holidays isn't just filled with work and nothingness again.
Now's the time for fun.
That's what everyone says.
Older people, younger people.
They all say that this is the time to have fun.

Well guys.
I'm not havin' any fun.

But the exams are over.
That's the only thing I can keep saying to myself to make it slightly better.
Still gots no one to talk to~

What was exciting about my day?
I had a kebab.
And some chips.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Winter Storm.

HOW BLOODY COLD WAS IT THIS MORNING?
5 Minutes of sitting near the entrance to the gym where I'm interning at and bam.
Numb fingers, numb face.
Logged onto facebook.
Facebook @ work. First time LOL.
It did get quite boring.
But first client!
Got to talk like a trainer, act like a trainer,
explain and demonstrate like a trainer.
I got to BE a trainer.
The client was keen too.

Signing off deliveries for the gym like a bawse.
But freezing all the while.
It did drag on.
Lucky I had to study a bit.
Longest time listening to techno/trance music EVER.
But all is well.
Tomolo morning. Another shift.

The exam? Well.
To be honest, when I got through the whole test.
I was feeling super confident.
But after double-checking,
double-checking again,
and then thinking to myself of what could go wrong.
I left the exam marquee feeling like I failed.

No moar to think about though.
Well, not about that, for a while anyway.
Tomolo's going to be a long day.

Might post up again, late tonight.
Gonna get some study done now.
Feeling cold. And terribly ...
left alone.

Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Blocked.

It's funny how some things work.
Anyway. At least I won't be able to do anything wrong if I'm blocked right?

The Miami Heats are up 3-1, leading the series.
For once in a very long time, I got pretty excited.
D-Wade being my favourite player.
But I had to study. LOL
So moar study I did. The whole day.
I thought being cut off was going to make my studying easier.
I thought wrong.

Flicking between two subjects.
Gotta finish these last two exams.
I really want it all to be over.
It's getting colder again.
Intern tomolo morning. 8-12.
Exam 1.45 - 4. In a bloody tent. At a racecourse.
Fun.
Day after?
Intern 9-11.
Exam 1.45 - 4. In a bloody tent. At a racecourse. Again.
Then work. 5-8:30pm.
Saturday work.
Gosh. What's happening LOL.

Anyway.
Minimal things to look forward to,
I guess it's kind of like running.
Everyone finds it easy to stop.
But for those who know,
starting after you stop, gets harder,
each. and. every. time. you. stop.
So it's better not to stop.
Stop when you can afford to.
Not because other people are stopping too.
That's funny business.

Moar to do.
Even moar to think about.
I'm so bad I need to be blocked.
SiiGH.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Quiet night.

It's been silent.
Whole night pretty much.
Not expecting a gun shot or anything.
(We had one just a few days ago, right out side my place)

Moar study to do.
But there are other things on my mind.
For example this song:

Vanilla Twilight - Owl City


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Excited

A little, I've finally seen a little result,
I've finally made a little something of myself.
It was just a simple shirt.
But it meant a whole lot moar.
I took a photo.
I just wanted to send it to the first person that came to mind.
Hoping they would see where I've gotten to,
how I've taken a few moar baby steps on this long road I've planned for myself.

It wasn't to be though.
The night passes.
It was simply just another day.
Well, I guess it was just another day.
Moar studying tomorrow and the day after.
I felt like having a rest tonight,
and talking to someone.
But that wasn't to be either~

But no matter.
There will be a day I hope,
when I get to have some time to talk to someone,
to be open about what I want,
and all that weird stuff you usually don't get to talk about.

The night's cold, in all ways imaginable,
my mouth's dry, even though I didn't talk much today,
my head's heavy, even though I'm not tired,
Wish I could see the stars from my bed.
Might sound a bit childish,
but I want to make a wish upon the stars.
And I'm going to hope it comes true.

Being happy is hard~


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Simple.

You don't get it.
'Since that's what you want to do'
I had a weird thought about a certain number.
I thought about it...
Are there that many muscles on the body?
Are there that many bones in the body?
Are there that many nerves in the body?
Are there that many arteries and veins in the body?
I don't know. You tell me.

I read something today online.
It said:

Saying someone can't be sad,
because someone has it worse off
is the same as saying:
You can't be happy,
because someone else is happier.

Make sense?
SO next time you start comparing with how your situation is
compared to someone else's.
Remember that.
Then tell yourself how intelligent you are for comparing.

My brothers and sisters out there.
I'm going to say it here because I can't say it anywhere else.
I think I'm going to fail the exams coming up.
I've been trying my face off to study.
I can't though. There's just too much shit going on in my head.
There's no help.
And when I suddenly think there is?
It's not help. Nothing helps.
Nothing's helping.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.


Mr. Jyamaigo.

Cutting Off

No No. Not some Saw sort of scene.
Or, I wouldn't imagine myself being very good at explaining that sort of scene.
Woke up in the morning feeling like P-Diddy.
No, not really, I felt like shit, blocked nose, sore throat, I couldn't even open my eyes.
Took my Saturday shift off, even though it meant all my shifts this week didn't count.
I couldn't work in this condition anyway.
The day dragged. Like literally. It's like one of those days where even the clock's hands feel the need to slow down. So that's what I tried to avoid. Staring at the clock.
Pushed myself to the gym. The exercise got some air into my brain, so I did feel a little better.
The rain didn't help though, drizzling down scarcely but with the impact of golf balls hahaha

Home study was productive, for a little while.
She Likes To Play; Try To Catch Her.
The carpals of the hand.
Scaphoid, Lunate, Triquestrum, Pisiform (which is on the Triquestrum)
Trapezium, Trapezoid, Capitate, Hamate (and it's hook)
Along with the lumbricals, interrosei and all that jazz~

Headphone hunting today, spent an hour or so tonight doing that.
My automatic reflexes of glancing at my phone at any slight movement around me needs to be stopped.
It's painful to remember. The things I think of, just simply by glancing at my phone.

Trying to keep to myself these days.
I'm reverting back. Like I said last post.
Bottle. Mine to fill. Mine to bare.

Hopefully I'll get moar study down tomorrow.
I really need to be in tip top condition.
Much to do this week. Hopefully by the end of it, I can be relieved.
Relieved that at least one part is over.
So I can concentrate on the next step.
There is NO time for fun. None.

So while we're all looking forward to the end of exams.
I'm sure you guys are looking at post-exams in a positive and fun manner.
Unfortunately I can't say the same for myself.
I don't have that luxury. Not anymoar.

Good Luck to y'all who have exams, and hope y'all that have finished are already partying hard!
Things happen. Things are forgotten. The world continues to spin.
Imma need a moment, coz moments last forever~

Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Real Life.

Just found this floating around on Facebook,
Y'all need to check it out. Seems like it'll be quite the game.
In real life!

http://irlshooter.com/

So go check it out, I'm waitin' to see what people think.
Anyway, 3 exams down (that puts me at halfway)
First intern session down, gonna teach a corporate class with one of the instructors
Worked Friday, took today off, illness is telling me: study > work.
Feeling pretty ill, except this isn't like how the music says it.
I am feeling pre-tty darn out of it at the moment.
Gonna make my way through this,
one step at a time.

Back to the old ways.
The Endless bottle.
Where you fill it up as much as you can,
it will never get full, and you'll have no one to share it with.
Each to their own,
Everything to myself.

Feelin' the pressure a little.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Delusions of Grandeur

Sun in the skies, you know how I feel
My moon and stars
Light of my life
Electron to my Hydrogen nucleus
The T Helper cell to my B cell
The vision to my Occipital Lobe
Robin to my Batman
Pepper Potts to my Tony Stark
Screaming, frantic, panicked Shia LeBeef to my Bumblebee
Leia to my Han Solo (COS I DRINK THE SOLO)
Kryptonite to my Superman
And RED when you want me to be ;)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL x

Decisions.

I've done a lot of thinking.
My minds been all over the place.
I'm a bit unstable to be honest.
I have exams coming up though.
No time for fun.
I have to focus.

It all starts today.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Last Minute Semi-planning.

It's what it's like.
Last minute everything.
'But that's what we're good at right?'
It's been long time since I've seen a smile.
This one was warm and comforting though.
Relief.
I worked today. So much for a public holiday.
'You didn't do jack shit, and you earned quite a bit.'
'Yeah, was alrite.'
'You have to be smart about things.'
I've just realised how much time I spend ...  uselessly thinking and waiting

Exams in the way still.
Three in a row, then a couple days before the next barrage
comes and hits me in the face.
I don't even know what to study.
I don't even know what to say lol.
Patience. You have to study smart. Not hard.
You train hard. You must be darn legendary,
to combine the two ALL the time.
Maybe I'll do that someday. But not now.
I can't afford to do that.
There's just not enough time.
But there is enough to be smart about it.
Must be the bad reception. Some of y'all try sending some texts please.
Tell me how they go.

Imma go back to my studying.
I can't guarantee tip top marks.
But I can guarantee that they won't be bad.
Wish me luck. If y'all there.
If not, fear not.
I'll assume.

The days are cold, rain's not gonna be leaving for a while.
Even if it goes. It's always raining in my mind.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

The Noise is Back.

Wakin' up in the mornin, It's only half an hour before work starts.
My brain is in overdrive. My body? Well, let's just say I didn't even have enough coordination to kick the sheets off of me. Threw on my clothes, forgot my contacts and juggled my bag and oatmeal bowl onto the car, still tying my shoelaces. It was like this every Saturday.
The night before I always tell myself to sleep early.
Never works.
Work went by surprisingly smoothly though.
Greeted moar people than I thought I knew at this workplace.
Even talked to a person for longer than I thought I would. Two people actually.
Lunch flew by. Hours flew by.
And I was home. I craved a good meal.
Even if it was just plain rice and chicken.
I was pushed forcefully into my room by my conscience.
It was almost like I could detect when arguments started.
Not cool. Safe. But not cool.
It was 6.30pm.
Empty in all senses of the word. I sat on my bed.
Stared hollowly into the TV.
Pirates was on. They didn't make nearly as much noise as what I could still hear outside.
Dinner wasn't going to come soon.
My sister appears, and asks me,
You here because it's warm? Looking at the heater.
I nod, but I've taught her well,
So she thought of an alternate reason.
You're here because you don't want to hear them argue, aren't you?
I didn't move at first, no response.
Then I looked at her and smiled.
I like hitting two birds with one stone.
So she sat to face the TV and left me to my thoughts.
The only things that made me smile were the texts.
That name flashing on my screen. Again and again.
The messages were there. I was happy replying.
Worried replying. The mixed emotions I felt when I was replying.
Then it was 8.46pm. Outside was silenced.
We're going out for dinner.
Where do you want to go?
No one ever knows where to go.
I don't even want to talk about dinner.
It was shit.
I didn't eat.
Still haven't eaten.
From 6.30pm-12.00am. I had 5 and a half hours to study.
I got back 20 minutes ago.
From now, I only have 1 and a half hours to study, and eat whatever I can find or make.
I'm down with the biggest migraine.
My house is completely frozen. Even the air.
It's hard to breathe.

Remember when I spoke of a balance?
When something good happens,
there's always something bad that happens?
And vice versa?

The only times I had a completely good day, week, month, months
was... nevermind that.
I can't even think anymoar.
I hope I'm the balance for another person, or people.
So I'm actually taking all this, so someone else, or other people, can have a good time.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Another Day

How y'all doing?
It's been quite full-on lately.
Bad situations, conversations,
tempers flaring.
Especially from me I'd have to say.
I would never have expected myself to blog.
Like, at all.
But it seems like, this has been the only place where,
it's been quite, but I haven't felt alone.
Even if I am/might be just talking to myself.
Maybe y'all read this, maybe y'all won't.
I will never know.

But here I am,
struggling through a simple lecture.
So much on my mind.
Music in my ears,
but the lyrics are so cursed so that I may not hear them.
Much to do,
too little time to do them.
There ARE other things I wish I was doing.
But those things would only make ME happy.
So it's not worth troubling everyone else.

Everyday I keep my hope.
Everyday I'm reminded.
Things will never be the same.
Pull my hoodie on.
Close my eyes.
Silence.
It's not nearly as bad as a conversation.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

No.

You know this kind of thing?
THIS, is the kind of thing,
that makes me ANGRY.

Now if you don't know what it is that made me angry.
There's no use acting smart.
You're tricking yourself.


Don't take it easy.
Mr. Jyamaigo

Cold.

Walking down a familiar path,
it's all darkness.
The thrashing winds,
the piercing chill and just freezes you to the bone.
Head bowed.
Rain pours down,
splashing of the car tires on the left side,
the pitter patter of the rain on the roofs on the right side.
Crunching gravel, making it sound like a trek up a mountain.
It's cold. To be honest, it's probably fair to say it was freezing.
Traffic lights flashing, trees' whispers become howls,
the blown leaves whirl like hurricanes.
This all being said.
The walking pace didn't increase,
the mind was emptied,
and there was nothing but a lingering feeling.
A search.
People always talk of the eye of the storm.
That's all that was being looked for.
It wasn't to be found.
There was to be no peace.

And this was only a quarter of the way.
I pulled my jumper closer together.
I really need to get a new one,
one that actually has a zipper that works.
A hoodie that's not so huge that it collects the wind,
instead of keeping my head warm.
Hands frozen to the point of being numb.
Legs completely senseless.
I continued walking.
These things I feel. But -
They're also the things I don't feel.

The umbrella was blown away,
the light backpack in my hand was taken along with it.
The wind tore at me.
How can a place so familiar, become so hostile?
I bowed my head even further at first.
But the wind pulled the hoodie straight off my head.
So I faced it.
It felt like an unstoppable gale, coupled with the strongest vacuum.
Everything was starting to give in.
The cars were lifted like there was no gravity left.
Trees were being uprooted.
The traffic lights shone no longer.
A blinding white light absorbed it all,
and flicked off as suddenly as it had appeared.

I opened my eyes.
I sniffled.
I'm getting sick, it'll go away though,
I haven't been sick for as long as I can remember...
I looked out the window.
What if you do get sick, hmm?
What do you mean? haha
No. Seriously. What would you do?
I think I'll just cave in if I get sick.
If I become completely sick,
If I get a full-blown illness...
I'm gonna just cave into it.

There's really no point anymoar.
No point. At all.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Extension

It's what I need.
In terms of time.
In terms of what I had.
In terms of what I wish I still have.
In terms of just ...
everything.

The Heats are tied up at 2-2 with the Cs.
I'm tied up with everything in life.
This is my playoff.
I have to win though.
Because there's only one chance.
What was the best fan,
the best teammate,
the best supporter.
Is now someone who just...
not isn't.
But just doesn't want to be.

There's no time.
No use.
Talking to me.

Music blasting in my ears.
Finals staring me in the face.
Usually when I say I needa study everything,
It's a joke.
Because I like being prepared,
or...
Semi-prepared.
With my semi-planning.
But this time.
No, I know nothing this time.

Talk?
I wish I could.

Needing someone,
Who doesn't care.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Wondering Hollow.

That almost sounds like a Bleach character,
for any of you that read bleach.

But, i guess the 'wondering' can actually be...
used interchangably with 'wandering'
Because that's what I've been.
Wondering,
and wandering.

Things are grim,
Whenever there's a little hope,
or what I think is hope,
it's just...
wiped away.
It's like completing an assignment.
But everytime you finish it,
and everytime, as it gets better.
The result is that it is just thrown away.

I'm genuinely wondering.
Are you well?
What've you been up to?
Are you cold?
Are you feeling alrite?
Do you need someone to talk to?
Did you eat well?
Did you sleep well?

Do you,
ever think of me?

I have a feeling I know the answer.
Cold winds blow,
and everyday it's the same.

I smile,
I laugh,
I work,
I play,
But inside.
It's always that feeling.
Nothing's there.
It's hollow.

And now, even my laugh and care,
has become something that is questionable.
Funny?
Not really.
If anyone has ever tried it,
or experienced it,
you'd know that it's not even CLOSE to being funny.

Imma skip off this topic now.
Try make something out of my blog post.
I know people like doom and gloom.
And don't worry,
The world has plenty of that.

NBA looking to be interesting.
The Heats up 2-1 in the series.
OKC and the Spurs are tied at 2-2.
At the rate the Spurs were going,
I really did think they were going to sweep OKC as well.
The matches are here and there,
can't wait for game 4 tomorrow of the Heat vs. Celtics
But I need to study.
NBA vs. Study.
I think the series would end sorta like...
4-2.
and NBA doesn't sweep study, simply because...
I actually need to study LOL.

Back to the music talk!
S-Club 7 were at UNSW just yesterday,
heard them rehearse 'Don't Stop Moving'
mannn, that was some nostalgic stuff right there.
News that Pitbull's gonna be having a concert here soon.
Imma keep an eye out on what's goin on and I'll keep y'all posted.

New Music:
Rock The Boat - Bob Sinclair ft. Pitbull
If Looks Could Kill - Timomatic
Dance Again Till the World Ends - Britney Spears ft. Jennifer Lopez & Pitbull
Back In Time - Pitbull
So Good - B.o.B.
Burnin' Up - Ne-Yo


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo