Deletion

What do you want a confused person to do? There are two desired outcomes, but only one choice. No time though. No one's got time. Hell, -I- don't even have time. Talk about inconvenient. Talk about bad timing. If you don't make the choice, somebody else is going to come along and make it instead. So to hell with that. I'll make my decisions when I want. I can feed off this confusion. I'm not impatient.

Oh, and here:

Gone - Ne-Yo
Heaven Sent - Keyshia Cole
The Way I Am - Eminem


Jyamaigo.

Illness.

Ain't Thinkin' Bout You - Bow Wow ft. Chris Brown
Maybe - Yiruma
Young, Wild, and Free - Snoop Dogg ft. Wiz Khalifa


Jyamaigo.

hmph

Calling - Sebastian Ingrosso & Alesso ft. Ryan Tedder
Gettin' Over You - David Guetta ft. Fergie & LMFAO
Seal of the Wind - Noriko Matsueda, Takahito Eguchi


Jyamaigo.

Pathetic

I Already Know - Ne-Yo
Don't Matter - Akon
Strobe - Deadmau5


Jyamaigo.

Congratulations

Unforgivable.
Lying From You
In The End
Papercut
Linkin Park.


Jyamaigo.

Accept.

Levels - Avicii
Sway - Micheal Buble
Voyager - Daft Punk


Jyamaigo.

Angst

Move Along - Ne-Yo
I Can't Lie - Maroon 5
Duality - Slipknot


Jyamaigo.

Spaz Out - Army of the Pharaohs ft. Apathy, King Magnetic, Esoteric, Celph-Titled
Fade Into Darkness - Avicii
Run Rabbit Run - Eminem

Jyamaigo.

Beat

Make it work - Ne-Yo
Numb - Linkin Park
Seven Nation Army - White Stripes

Jyamaigo.

Continuation

Incredible - Timomatic
You'll Be Mine - Havana Brown
Remember The Name - Fort Minor

Jyamaigo.

Music to my ears

Good Time - Owl City ft. Carly Rae Jepsen
Finally Found You - Enrique Iglesias ft. Sammy Adams
Battle Scars - Guy Sebastian ft. Lupe Fiasco


Jyamaigo.

Lies.

Everybody lies.

I would've hoped it wasn't real when I heard it over and over again from House. But?
It's the only thing that's held true from the time I've heard it till now. And so?

The lies continue. It's only that now, I'll have nothing to do with those lies.


Mr. Jyamaigo.

The curtains are slowly closing.

Hey there,

It's been quite a while since I've rambled on here. I either noticed that it was getting annoying, or I just haven't had the time to even post. I'd like to say LG, life's good, and get the hell on with whatever I'm doing with a big smile. But it's not so, and although sometimes lying can be the easiest thing to do when you're feeling the heat, or just being lazy. There's are only so many tales you can conjure up and tell, before everyone gets the gist, then suddenly, you'll be the one wondering what's real, and what's not.

Dealing with what's happened was, is and is still hard. My intrinsic motivation, my determination to prove myself, my complete effort and concentration... it's all turned into a huge burden, which I'm half-assedly pulling along. Telling everyone how fun and enjoyable it is, it IS what I want. It's like sitting down to a feast of the highest class, and most delicious food, only to have no company. It feels terrible.

Someone said they understood everything, that finally, they understood how it felt. I'm afraid they're wrong. They still have no idea. Thinking of all the negative effects upon yourself is easy, accepting what you've done, and knowing what your actions have caused is how anyone starts to see what went wrong. You can't blame people though, because now it seems there is the finest line between an excuse, and the true reason. The truth.

Time passes, and misunderstandings will remain misunderstandings until a heart to heart conversation can be had. At the moment it doesn't seem like anyone's ready for that. People are either too eagerly taking, giving, or blindly hiding.

And now I realise, that even though everyone knows communication is the most important thing. I, myself, have only just found out, that there is so much more to it.

And as for that closing curtain.
I'm still to find out which side of it I'm on.


Mr. Jyamaigo.

Rolled a couple hits, now my account looks crazy

It's our moment, you can't take it away
Life's what you make it
And we're making bread

So I promised a pix and explanations.

The Deed: Attempting First Dan Black Belt Grading
The Test: A series of patterns, sparring, pain-inducing self-defence, head knocks and breaking of wood
The Results:
Sparring: Went well. Copped a knock to the head or two, dished out a few hits, received some back. setups and ploys that worked and sometimes didn't. Overall success.
Patterns: *Barney Stinson voice* Nailed it!
Self-Defence: Knew half, made up the rest on the go; it seemed to work. Pain was indeed induced.
Wood Breaking:

I think the results are self evident. Top: Punched through, Bottom: Jumping kicked through

The kicked one is about as thick as my index finger (approx 1.5cm)

So I'm thinking maybe, just maybe I passed :P
And by thinking I mean I'm pretty damn confident about it right now.

And the celebratory splurge. I mean, let's be honest, it was a long time coming for these.

The Blu-Ray blood and gore of the Ancient Greek Mythology always washes down well on a HD screen

Who doesn't wanna see Mike Tyson's tiger in Blu-Ray ;)

The Classics. Enough said, really.

And just cos it was cheap and there and I like the first one.

Part II of the CD collection. This one is really good. I actually love a lot of the songs on this one. Ahhh the nostalgia of Nelly's Ride Wit Me.

OHOHOH ALSO, I just placed an order for the limited edition of Halo 4. Yes, I plan on online multiplayer with my mates. And yes, I am a nerd. And what? =P

So there you have it folks. An explanation of sorts and lots of pretty pictures. Hope you enjoyed it.

Hey! Must be the money!,

The Sleepless Dreamer

Steel horse

I done made it! Passed one of the biggest tests of my life. Celebratory splurge occurred. Pix and explanation coming soon.

Dreaming big,

The Sleepless Dreamer

This is no way to live.

This shit right now, it's overwhelming.
So much to hear, but it's all noise.
There's no longer that shining and angelic voice in my life.
So it's certain.
Noise is all I'll be hearing.
I finally got qualified,
and yeah? So what?
It's nothing. Nothing matters now.
I'm about to snap.
Take one moar step.
Even if someone just gives me an accidental nudge.
There'll be no moar nice playing.
There's no moar smiling and pretending.
It's all fake.
So let it be what it is.

When death, isolation,
separation, grudge, hate
profanities being the most polite words
that you can hear, every minute of the day...
You know things are different.
So what's different now?

Nothing's different.
But nothing's the same.


Mr. Jyamaigo

Clock on the wall, now or never at all?

My best friend is back in town! My sister! Family. She's even taller than before! That's not cool, seeing as now she's almost my height. And I don't like being shorter than a girl. Call it an ego thing. Lord knows I've got a huge one.

So here I was, calmly having decided my day of uni was complete and that I had no need to stick around when a mate calls and says "Come to the food court, I got a surprise for you". So I journey to this land of long awaited food. I find my mate with a few other friends. Out of nowhere my vision is blocked by two hands reaching over my shoulder. I turn to accost my attacker. Lo and behold, it is my best friend from Queensland!

A cursory lunch followed. My favourite, the meatbox, was once again challenged in battle and for the umpteenth time, I succeeded in its demolition. Max Brenner the next destination. Chocolate battling commenced when my nose was the target of a vicious chocolatey based spoon thwack. Retaliation and laughter followed. Much amusement was had that day.

To Strathfield. And CC's. A brief second lunch. Cos that's what us Lebs are. Bottomless pits of food crunching. Four Southern Fried Chicken Strips. Whatever southern fried means. Winner winner, chicken dinner? I think so. Except it was lunch.

And then a farewell to thee for the now. I shall see thine face sooneth. Righteth? I know, I know, it sounds stupid to me too. Shakespeare can keep his play speak. I'll stick to the native tongue of the dreamers. I'm happy today.

They call me a visionary,

The Sleepless Dreamer.

She deserve all of the credit for how I'm about to get it.

So I'm told I don't blog enough. And lately I'm think that's very true. I mean, come on, no posts in like 6 months? Oops ahahaha. But anyways.

Mr Sleepless just got back from a snow trip. Guess who can snowboard now? That's right, it's me! Wooo. There's nothing like tearing down a mountain side, powder spraying behind you, reaching speeds of who knows what...before you stack it and tumble head first into the snow, bounce into the air, cartwheel in the most maniacal of fashions and crash land back to earth with a few more dents in your wrist. But hey, it was hella fun! Defs gonna go back and do that again.

Dead tired and aching, but training is at its peak again. Hopefully taking it to the next level with a new belt. Now, it may be black but it definitely ain't Dolce and Gabbana if you know what I mean. Shout out to the medalists, y'all did well. Reppin' ndaht :P

Baby steps. Back to uni and already 5 days behind. Time to catch up. I'll leave you with a taste of The Sleepless Dreamer's Dreamland. Enjoy.





Tell me what you need,

The Sleepless Dreamer

Heavy Thoughts On My Mind.

I woke up early.
Ate breakfast properly for once.
Threw on my gym clothes, book in bag.
Off to uni for a 1 hour lecture, then the gym.
Heavy thoughts on my mind.

I arrive at uni.
I forgot a pen to write with.
Heavy thoughts on my mind.

My socks were the same colour today.
Usually I mix them up.
One black. One White.
Again,
Heavy thoughts on my mind.

The lecture was on temperature regulation.
Physiology. That's about all I heard.
Heavy Thoughts on my mind.

Lecture over, everyone was happy, ready to eat and enjoy the first days of semester together.
I had something I was happier doing, so off to gym I went. Was quite windy, nice in the sun though.
I got to the gym, my usual buddy wasn't working today. Headed in, did my shoulder routine on the weights.
The weights didn't feel like anything, not because I'm superman strong. But because, well...
Heavy thoughts on my mind.

Heavy till I pretty much felt the tear down my right side trapezius where it attaches to my scapula.
Retraction, protraction, elevation, depression, head lateral flexion to both sides causes it to hurt too.
Not cool. Still smiling though, being the idiot I was.
It's been so long since I've seen someone.
Heavy thoughts on my mind.

Came home, after a rush to the car. People were in a rush to get home.
Shower, changed, ironed  clothing, fixed up hair, ironed clothing again because they wrinkled.
Cologne. I haven't touched my cologne for over half a year. I only ever used it on certain occasions.
Waited patiently for me to cool down.
Then I headed out for the city.
Heavy thoughts on my mind.

Even the traffic jams didn't stop me from smiling, I was so excited. But in the back of my mind...
Something appeared. A cloud, a dark cloud. It was grinning at the rest of me.
What are you smiling for, hmm?
Starbucks on George St, closest to the cinemas, 13:00.
Heavy thoughts on my mind.

A blur. A coffee. A decision.
Heavy thoughts on my mind. Why?

Now tonight in my suburb. Gunshots. A resident shot.
Everything's quiet. I'm out.
This was not what I had in mind.
Not what I had in my mind at all.


Mr. Jyamaigo.

Adana.

Talk about taking kebabs to a new level.
The shish roll I had today, was off the hook.
I never even knew this sort of roll existed.
But alas, I experienced it, and it was awesome.

Impulse bought a basketball, just because we wanted to play.
Played ball for a good while, met some people.
First day lecture was completely a waste of time.
Talking through the course outline took less than 30 minutes.
So instead of having the feeling of going home,
everyone was against going home after making their way out just for 30 minutes.

Gym was omitted today, I've found some problems.
So I'm going to monitor these problems and hopefully,
be rid of them as soon as I can.

Tomorrow's a big day. Uni for an hour
(hopefully it'll be the full hour or close to it this time)
and then gym, to which I'm going twice as hard,
due to my absence for the past few days.
Then it's out to the city. For a surprise I guess~

So, regardless of survival of the day following today,
I'll be alright. To be honest it's the chills of the night,
that lead me into thinking that it's all overly complicated.
Given this idea. Most people find normal thoughts, rather simple.
And abnormal thoughts, to be rather silly and overly complex,
And completely ridiculous thoughts, to be genius.
And totally acceptable.

So to that I can comfortably say,
That Max Brenner, has the sweetest mocha,
That I have ever tasted.
Try it though, I know you'll all like it.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

A

Don't worry, I ain't crazy, those things in the titles, those single letters, all actually stand for something. Now, where to start. Went for a huge feed at El Jannahs just yesterday with my mayne TSD. Now we had a challenge going on. Well, we hadn't attempted it yet. It was a full family chips and a whole chicken. Each. First to finish. So we were craving El Jannahs and decided it would be smart to warm up. So we ordered a Family Chips and a whole chicken. And of course. The large garlic SAUCE.

Result? Ah people. Don't try that without knowing what it's like. That's weird though, you have to try it to know right? hahahaha but anyway. The chicken was a breeze, and so was about a little past half way of the chips. Needless to say, the feast didn't end quite well, because... it didn't end. There were chips left.
Fear not though, I won't be needing carbs for the next month or so. Or fat for that matter.

THEN IT WAS TIME FOR CALL OF DUTY. THE GAME WHERE YOU CAN'T AIM DOWN. and where I can actually pull of some knife kills =P SO MUCH WIN. Don't worry, I'm just not talking much about how bad I am with that game. I'm no console gamer.

Alrite, let's time jump forward. Today. Morning breakfast, plenty of pastry from some bakery we had no idea of. A whole bunch. Lucky we had bacon though. and maple syrup. And being epic meal time fans. Guess what we had for breakfast? Maple Syrup Bacon Strips. That's right. We couldn't make candy bacon strips yet because we had no idea we wanted to eat bacon for breakfast. But surprisingly... it was SO GOOD. NO wonder they could eat that stuff like animals. Even bacon with just maple syrup was AWESOME. and the most surprising was the fact that the parents seemed to enjoy the idea HAHAHA.

Then we ended up at a car dealership. Negotiating a price for the relos on a car they wanted. I mean... whut? I wanted to sleep. ANYWAY. After an hour or so of haggling, I just simply lost interest and walked off and kind of got lost in my thoughts. So the result of the car deal? No idea LOL.

Next destination: The Rocks. Walk around for most of the time with family. Made me realise how long it's been since I've been out with family just to do nothing. It made me realise that the most important thing to be able to do with people, is to be able to hang out and do absolutely nothing, and not feel like you're wasting your time. If you can do that, then you can be comfortable.

Lowenbrau for lunch. That stuff was quite different. It was nice, but a little wondering was done when I tasted the beer. I can't explain it. But I've never liked beer, so me criticizing it would be quite biased. I'll leave it at that beer is an 'acquired taste'. Obviously one I haven't acquired yet. I'll give the meal a 7/10 for now.

Then home. Long shower, and here I stand. Receiving quite the funny news. I won't disclose what sort of news it is. But may it be known that no, nothing's quite happy yet.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

F

To a pretty girl I know,
It's been quite a while since we've met or talked. But that hasn't stopped me from thinking of what other ways I could think of to make you smile. It's like a guessing game. Running after something I can't really be sure of, yet I'm filled with this overwhelming sense that I should be sure, and that I'm doing the right thing. Kind of like a movie hahaha, maybe not for everyone else. But that's how it seems to be, to me. I've looked at the many different responses I get and - like all people try to do - guess some of the responses I might get.
But no worry, the only failure is giving up. And that isn't an option for me at the moment. Even in a simple exercise program (pardon me for the exercise example, I am a trainer after all). Simply said, it's like hell, and the things you least want to do when you are enduring the effects and performing the exercises at a close to maximum (or maximum in some cases) intensity. And you basically collapse at the end, vomit if you do or just not know how the hell you managed to push through. But at the end of it all, you're happy. You know you've accomplished something. And that something, be it small or tremendous, is yours to keep and no one else can take that away. It's a little triumph, your little trophy.

She wanted to talk to me, she said. After a very confusing conversation. That single idea put a smile straight on my face. But as with all good things, there's the balance I speak of. She'll be unavailable later tonight~ at least as far as cyberspace is concerned. Comforted though. We have both have phones and there is such a simple yet wonderous text message.

So I'll be waiting.


Take it easy, like I always say.
Mr. Jyamaigo

What can you do?

It's a lonely night. But what can you do? It's raining outside, You're all warm inside, Wrapped in your cocoon. But the coldness inside, Makes you think. Maybe it would be the same, Possibly even better, If it were to be raining inside And be totally warm outside. At least it would reflect how it felt. Or how things are. At this point in time. Wishing for a certain feeling. Even just the slightest hint, Of that something I use to have, Would be so nice right now. But it's not to be. One day. Hopefully, one day. It'll be able to be like that again. And smiling wouldn't be so hard anymoar. It's early morning. 2 am ish. And life's still feeling the same. Still feeling shit. Perhaps I'm too much of n attention seeker Perhaps it's too much to ask for, to be noticed. By a person who means everything to me. Take it easy, Mr. Jyamaigo

H

Day 1. No Idea, still no idea.
Day 2. No Idea, then loads of fun, unrealising.
Day 3. Probably not going to have an idea.
I thought increasing communication sources would increase the communication.
It seems all too obvious.
A mistake was interpreted as something else,
and turned completely on me.
Pretend it's accidental, go ahead.
I've nothing to say, and I'm not going to.
I'm not going to be grumpy.
But there is only so much you can do.

When a simple reply is that difficult to yield,
what do you do?

I needed a reply.
I had a proposal to make.
But I guess one was having too much fun to reply.

Well I'm sorry,
But when one is not in the mood to talk,
this is what you do:
You cut your communications to everyone.
At least on the surface. That's the bare minimum.
No facebook, twitter, msn, tumblr, instagram.
Nothing.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

PS. Am I okay?
Why don't you tell me.

M

Hey,
It's been a few days since I've been on here.
I've been busy. Don't get me wrong, I don't expect you to care.
Just in case anything was needed and I wasn't present.
Finally get to hand in my manual, I took way too long on it.
But it's not just stopping there. I've got moar to do.

Before I know it, Uni results are out and then uni starts again.
I wish I had outings lined up.
I need a distraction.
But all I have is actual things to do.
Which isn't bad right? Getting a move on in life.
But still. One wishes.

My throats sore, migraines back every now and then.
I downloaded Whatsapp.
I don't think my messages will get through any faster though.
I had gelato at Messina. Only because it had bacon in it.
It was called Piggy in a Biscuit.
Someone I know would've smiled at how cute that sounded.
It was peanut gelato with banana and bacon cookies.
Was very well made. It was delicious.
But the aftermath was not.
Possibly because I've been eating such clean food recently.

I've finally calmed down a bit. I was on the brink of a terrible rage.
It didn't happen. I have things to get done. I don't want to be thinking myself to death.
So I'm going to go finish up some things.
I'm going to hope someone either does have the mood to talk,
or at least not send the message of a contradiction by being 'online',
so to speak.

Things to do tomolo.
Car to wash too.
Not complaining.
I'm a bit scared to be honest.
Life's a balance though, I tell myself.
I just hope there was enough planning,
in my concept of ... semi-planning.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

One Point.

That was all it took.
Aaaaannnddddd, the Maroons have now won 7 in a row.
GG to Hayne who injured his leg in the last minute of the game.
Had he made that break though.
Different story altogether.
So I guess it was a risk he thought was worth taking.
All you can do is respect a good player's choice.
Bad Luck.

Now on a totally different note,
Had to stamp flyers today, I think I got through about...
1500 maybe? another 1000 tomolo morning! Fun!
Gosh, I'm looking forward to it LOL
Made myself a quick training session today,
was good.
Gonna buy myself a pair of boxing gloves.
Kinda getting into this whole boxing thing.
Fun, and the amount of stress it relieves is pretty epic.
It's LIKE bashing someone. Just that no one gets hurt.
My wrist hurts though. Might've clipped the bag wrong.

ANYWAY.
Tomolo mornin' work.
Gonna go for another session. See if I can shake things up a little.
Money's short, gifts to buy, equipment to fund.
I really need to get a better deal.
I'm gonna be patient though.
Good things come to those who wait.
And for good reason. All the time.

Oh, and yeah,
I prioritized someone very recently.
I thought it would've reaped a happy and warm response.
Turns out, not really.
It's really complicated to explain.
So I guess I'll take another hit.
I'm doing something nice,
I'm not going to die for it right?
hahahahahaha, anyway.

Like I said, expenses to pay, boxing to practise and learn,
flyers to stamp and a nice and intense game of footy tonight.
My world's still empty though. Thoughts scattered.
I'll catch y'all again soon.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Migraine.

Go away please.
I don't need another thing to deal with right now.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Out.

D-Wade's gonna be out for the olympics, WHY?!
Turns out, I'm the busy one.
I intern only 2-3 hours, for a maximum of 3-4 days a week.
I work on Friday nights, and Saturday's from morning till early evening.
The other time is spent alone.
I read, yes, not books though.
I listen to music, but I do that most of the time anyway.
I research, so I can be up to date with what I'm doing.
Constantly looking for ways to stimulate my mind is ...
Not really playing out to be the holiday I wanted.

I got a free voucher.
For one.
Free Lunch @ The Star.
That's when I realised how empty I felt.
It wasn't even funny.
My whole day crumbled to pieces.
The following day was the most work-filled
and talkative day at my job since it started.
The workload was ridiculous.
And at the end of the day?
It all came back round to the same thing.
Same thoughts,
moar problems,
no rest,
and a reminder that pushing myself onward,
would be the only way to temporarily block out my thoughts,
and even with that, my distractions don't work 100% of the time.

Life's shit.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

PS. I miss the feeling of a hug.
Something so simple.
And it's something I won't be given.

Not now.

One the verge of following apart. I know exactly how that feels.

Downloaded a whole bunch of movies.
Not going to watch them though.
Just thought I'd download them, to have.
Bruce Almighty
Changeling
God Bless America
Happiness is a Warm Blanket Charlie Brown
Happy Feet Two
Liar Liar
Mirror Mirror
Pitch Black
Riddick
Red Tails
The Flowers of War
Taken (watched this one before, many times)
Total Recall
Wanderlust
Wrath of the Titans

That's about it.
Worked today,
Moar work tomolo,
apparently it's not tiring because I like what I'm doing.
That's like saying everyone can eat ice cream forever and not get tired.
I'll like it, which'll make it easier to deal with, yes.
But I am also human, so yeah, getting tired would be natural.
Whether I liked it or not.
Work's all lined up.
Another thing coming to a close.
Signalling another beginning.
It's neverending, I guess that's how it goes.

First time having a go at using a foam roller.
Was the most painful stuff I've tried in AGES.
But after using it, I would say it feels like a massage,
But I've never had a proper massage before, so I wouldn't know.
Apparently that's what it feels like though.
Was comfortable, and I felt like I could go straight for another gym sesh.

Anyway, it's getting late,
and normal people would go to sleep about now,
students would continue cramming till later on,
gamers would go further,
and the night owls would sleep when the sun rose.

Half the year's gone by, moar than half I should say,
Too much has changed, and yet, not much has changed at the same time.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

No voices.

Apparently a wrong turn.
Now that doesn't hurt at all, does it?
I spoke, I thought.
But with no reply or any word.
What's there for one to think?
I remember once, or a lot of times maybe.
I heard this about english essays.
'Show, don't tell.'
I've waited for both the show,
and the tell.
Neither seem to care,
and yet somehow it's meant something...
completely different. It didn't add up.
I was never good at conveying my expressions.
Not even my written expression was up to scratch.
Which I'm sure you can all see from my blog.

But one thing everyone can tell the difference between,
is whether something is meant in a nice way,
or if it was meant in a ... moar neutral to not-so-nice way.

I was feeling good today,
so I wanted to talk.
I have much to say about how I'm going.
But then two things hit me.
1. No one cares
2. Secret successes are often moar surprising,
and yield a moar positive response.

It's like going back to square one.
Back to my idea of how it doesn't matter how much you say.
It all comes down to whether you've done it or not.
People don't care about the journey, apparently.
I certainly hope they DO care about the journey.
Otherwise the journals and codices of history and success stories would be..
much, much shorter.

Still have NO idea what I should do.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Chills to the bone.

I care
As if you do.
I do. Will you be okay?
Yeah, always am.

No you're not.
I'm going to say that you already have finished studying,
or that you know most of what you are going to be tested on,
so you throw this argument at me.
Because if you did not, and you still decided to act this way,
it would be irrational.
I'll be happy if you emerge from the exam smiling and knowing you did
alrite at least, if you had aced it, that would be the best outcome.
I wouldn't be annoyed at the fact that you lied to me.

If you didn't lie however. And you actually were not ready,
and you threw those answers at me without a second thought.
I can do nothing but cross my fingers, and hope the test is as easy as it can be,
for your sake.
Goodluck nonetheless.

On another note.

This world is filled with people who are not able to control what they think,
and moar so, what they do.
Every act of belief, is already contradicted.
Every word of advice, comes from a mistake.
Every insult, reveals a compliment.

It's just how it works.
There's no explaining.
There's no pure side.
To be honest, in my eyes...
there is no wrong or right.

It's funny though.
Because there is a social norm.
There are also norms kept between people with similar thought processes,
or those with a similar mindset, regardless of their execution/thought process.

Just like a journey,
like the people you meet.
If the destination's the same,
If the help you receive differs.
It will only ever matter,
to those who think it matters.
Otherwise it's far from priceless.
It would simply be worthless.

I wish I could talk to you properly,
I haven't talked to you in so long.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Typography.

typography

noun

The art or practice of setting and arranging type; typesetting.

The practice or process of printing with type.

Prior to copy and pasting that. I didn't actually properly know what it was.

And I probably will forget what it is in the matter of minutes.

Designing some stuff, playing around with new fonts and texts.

Was pretty fun, didn't keep my interest for long though.

Back to nothing again.

Waiting for my Grado SR60i's to come in.

In real need of something to keep my ears and hence my mind occupied.

Hopefully.

SiiGH.

Take it easy,

Mr. Jyamaigo

Over.

Not nearly.
Now that it's all over.
The brain flicks straight to thinking bout the results.
Ain't no fun in that right?
But I'm pretty unsettled about it.
And when I'm distracted,
it isn't much help either.
Because distractions just make me realise what time I'm wastin'.

Cold from the night before till the morning after.
Missed out on the fun yesterday
All the uni mates went out to have a blast,
I went to work.
G to the G, I say.
Hopefully this holidays isn't just filled with work and nothingness again.
Now's the time for fun.
That's what everyone says.
Older people, younger people.
They all say that this is the time to have fun.

Well guys.
I'm not havin' any fun.

But the exams are over.
That's the only thing I can keep saying to myself to make it slightly better.
Still gots no one to talk to~

What was exciting about my day?
I had a kebab.
And some chips.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Winter Storm.

HOW BLOODY COLD WAS IT THIS MORNING?
5 Minutes of sitting near the entrance to the gym where I'm interning at and bam.
Numb fingers, numb face.
Logged onto facebook.
Facebook @ work. First time LOL.
It did get quite boring.
But first client!
Got to talk like a trainer, act like a trainer,
explain and demonstrate like a trainer.
I got to BE a trainer.
The client was keen too.

Signing off deliveries for the gym like a bawse.
But freezing all the while.
It did drag on.
Lucky I had to study a bit.
Longest time listening to techno/trance music EVER.
But all is well.
Tomolo morning. Another shift.

The exam? Well.
To be honest, when I got through the whole test.
I was feeling super confident.
But after double-checking,
double-checking again,
and then thinking to myself of what could go wrong.
I left the exam marquee feeling like I failed.

No moar to think about though.
Well, not about that, for a while anyway.
Tomolo's going to be a long day.

Might post up again, late tonight.
Gonna get some study done now.
Feeling cold. And terribly ...
left alone.

Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Blocked.

It's funny how some things work.
Anyway. At least I won't be able to do anything wrong if I'm blocked right?

The Miami Heats are up 3-1, leading the series.
For once in a very long time, I got pretty excited.
D-Wade being my favourite player.
But I had to study. LOL
So moar study I did. The whole day.
I thought being cut off was going to make my studying easier.
I thought wrong.

Flicking between two subjects.
Gotta finish these last two exams.
I really want it all to be over.
It's getting colder again.
Intern tomolo morning. 8-12.
Exam 1.45 - 4. In a bloody tent. At a racecourse.
Fun.
Day after?
Intern 9-11.
Exam 1.45 - 4. In a bloody tent. At a racecourse. Again.
Then work. 5-8:30pm.
Saturday work.
Gosh. What's happening LOL.

Anyway.
Minimal things to look forward to,
I guess it's kind of like running.
Everyone finds it easy to stop.
But for those who know,
starting after you stop, gets harder,
each. and. every. time. you. stop.
So it's better not to stop.
Stop when you can afford to.
Not because other people are stopping too.
That's funny business.

Moar to do.
Even moar to think about.
I'm so bad I need to be blocked.
SiiGH.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Quiet night.

It's been silent.
Whole night pretty much.
Not expecting a gun shot or anything.
(We had one just a few days ago, right out side my place)

Moar study to do.
But there are other things on my mind.
For example this song:

Vanilla Twilight - Owl City


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Excited

A little, I've finally seen a little result,
I've finally made a little something of myself.
It was just a simple shirt.
But it meant a whole lot moar.
I took a photo.
I just wanted to send it to the first person that came to mind.
Hoping they would see where I've gotten to,
how I've taken a few moar baby steps on this long road I've planned for myself.

It wasn't to be though.
The night passes.
It was simply just another day.
Well, I guess it was just another day.
Moar studying tomorrow and the day after.
I felt like having a rest tonight,
and talking to someone.
But that wasn't to be either~

But no matter.
There will be a day I hope,
when I get to have some time to talk to someone,
to be open about what I want,
and all that weird stuff you usually don't get to talk about.

The night's cold, in all ways imaginable,
my mouth's dry, even though I didn't talk much today,
my head's heavy, even though I'm not tired,
Wish I could see the stars from my bed.
Might sound a bit childish,
but I want to make a wish upon the stars.
And I'm going to hope it comes true.

Being happy is hard~


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Simple.

You don't get it.
'Since that's what you want to do'
I had a weird thought about a certain number.
I thought about it...
Are there that many muscles on the body?
Are there that many bones in the body?
Are there that many nerves in the body?
Are there that many arteries and veins in the body?
I don't know. You tell me.

I read something today online.
It said:

Saying someone can't be sad,
because someone has it worse off
is the same as saying:
You can't be happy,
because someone else is happier.

Make sense?
SO next time you start comparing with how your situation is
compared to someone else's.
Remember that.
Then tell yourself how intelligent you are for comparing.

My brothers and sisters out there.
I'm going to say it here because I can't say it anywhere else.
I think I'm going to fail the exams coming up.
I've been trying my face off to study.
I can't though. There's just too much shit going on in my head.
There's no help.
And when I suddenly think there is?
It's not help. Nothing helps.
Nothing's helping.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME.


Mr. Jyamaigo.

Cutting Off

No No. Not some Saw sort of scene.
Or, I wouldn't imagine myself being very good at explaining that sort of scene.
Woke up in the morning feeling like P-Diddy.
No, not really, I felt like shit, blocked nose, sore throat, I couldn't even open my eyes.
Took my Saturday shift off, even though it meant all my shifts this week didn't count.
I couldn't work in this condition anyway.
The day dragged. Like literally. It's like one of those days where even the clock's hands feel the need to slow down. So that's what I tried to avoid. Staring at the clock.
Pushed myself to the gym. The exercise got some air into my brain, so I did feel a little better.
The rain didn't help though, drizzling down scarcely but with the impact of golf balls hahaha

Home study was productive, for a little while.
She Likes To Play; Try To Catch Her.
The carpals of the hand.
Scaphoid, Lunate, Triquestrum, Pisiform (which is on the Triquestrum)
Trapezium, Trapezoid, Capitate, Hamate (and it's hook)
Along with the lumbricals, interrosei and all that jazz~

Headphone hunting today, spent an hour or so tonight doing that.
My automatic reflexes of glancing at my phone at any slight movement around me needs to be stopped.
It's painful to remember. The things I think of, just simply by glancing at my phone.

Trying to keep to myself these days.
I'm reverting back. Like I said last post.
Bottle. Mine to fill. Mine to bare.

Hopefully I'll get moar study down tomorrow.
I really need to be in tip top condition.
Much to do this week. Hopefully by the end of it, I can be relieved.
Relieved that at least one part is over.
So I can concentrate on the next step.
There is NO time for fun. None.

So while we're all looking forward to the end of exams.
I'm sure you guys are looking at post-exams in a positive and fun manner.
Unfortunately I can't say the same for myself.
I don't have that luxury. Not anymoar.

Good Luck to y'all who have exams, and hope y'all that have finished are already partying hard!
Things happen. Things are forgotten. The world continues to spin.
Imma need a moment, coz moments last forever~

Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Real Life.

Just found this floating around on Facebook,
Y'all need to check it out. Seems like it'll be quite the game.
In real life!

http://irlshooter.com/

So go check it out, I'm waitin' to see what people think.
Anyway, 3 exams down (that puts me at halfway)
First intern session down, gonna teach a corporate class with one of the instructors
Worked Friday, took today off, illness is telling me: study > work.
Feeling pretty ill, except this isn't like how the music says it.
I am feeling pre-tty darn out of it at the moment.
Gonna make my way through this,
one step at a time.

Back to the old ways.
The Endless bottle.
Where you fill it up as much as you can,
it will never get full, and you'll have no one to share it with.
Each to their own,
Everything to myself.

Feelin' the pressure a little.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Delusions of Grandeur

Sun in the skies, you know how I feel
My moon and stars
Light of my life
Electron to my Hydrogen nucleus
The T Helper cell to my B cell
The vision to my Occipital Lobe
Robin to my Batman
Pepper Potts to my Tony Stark
Screaming, frantic, panicked Shia LeBeef to my Bumblebee
Leia to my Han Solo (COS I DRINK THE SOLO)
Kryptonite to my Superman
And RED when you want me to be ;)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAUTIFUL x

Decisions.

I've done a lot of thinking.
My minds been all over the place.
I'm a bit unstable to be honest.
I have exams coming up though.
No time for fun.
I have to focus.

It all starts today.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Last Minute Semi-planning.

It's what it's like.
Last minute everything.
'But that's what we're good at right?'
It's been long time since I've seen a smile.
This one was warm and comforting though.
Relief.
I worked today. So much for a public holiday.
'You didn't do jack shit, and you earned quite a bit.'
'Yeah, was alrite.'
'You have to be smart about things.'
I've just realised how much time I spend ...  uselessly thinking and waiting

Exams in the way still.
Three in a row, then a couple days before the next barrage
comes and hits me in the face.
I don't even know what to study.
I don't even know what to say lol.
Patience. You have to study smart. Not hard.
You train hard. You must be darn legendary,
to combine the two ALL the time.
Maybe I'll do that someday. But not now.
I can't afford to do that.
There's just not enough time.
But there is enough to be smart about it.
Must be the bad reception. Some of y'all try sending some texts please.
Tell me how they go.

Imma go back to my studying.
I can't guarantee tip top marks.
But I can guarantee that they won't be bad.
Wish me luck. If y'all there.
If not, fear not.
I'll assume.

The days are cold, rain's not gonna be leaving for a while.
Even if it goes. It's always raining in my mind.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

The Noise is Back.

Wakin' up in the mornin, It's only half an hour before work starts.
My brain is in overdrive. My body? Well, let's just say I didn't even have enough coordination to kick the sheets off of me. Threw on my clothes, forgot my contacts and juggled my bag and oatmeal bowl onto the car, still tying my shoelaces. It was like this every Saturday.
The night before I always tell myself to sleep early.
Never works.
Work went by surprisingly smoothly though.
Greeted moar people than I thought I knew at this workplace.
Even talked to a person for longer than I thought I would. Two people actually.
Lunch flew by. Hours flew by.
And I was home. I craved a good meal.
Even if it was just plain rice and chicken.
I was pushed forcefully into my room by my conscience.
It was almost like I could detect when arguments started.
Not cool. Safe. But not cool.
It was 6.30pm.
Empty in all senses of the word. I sat on my bed.
Stared hollowly into the TV.
Pirates was on. They didn't make nearly as much noise as what I could still hear outside.
Dinner wasn't going to come soon.
My sister appears, and asks me,
You here because it's warm? Looking at the heater.
I nod, but I've taught her well,
So she thought of an alternate reason.
You're here because you don't want to hear them argue, aren't you?
I didn't move at first, no response.
Then I looked at her and smiled.
I like hitting two birds with one stone.
So she sat to face the TV and left me to my thoughts.
The only things that made me smile were the texts.
That name flashing on my screen. Again and again.
The messages were there. I was happy replying.
Worried replying. The mixed emotions I felt when I was replying.
Then it was 8.46pm. Outside was silenced.
We're going out for dinner.
Where do you want to go?
No one ever knows where to go.
I don't even want to talk about dinner.
It was shit.
I didn't eat.
Still haven't eaten.
From 6.30pm-12.00am. I had 5 and a half hours to study.
I got back 20 minutes ago.
From now, I only have 1 and a half hours to study, and eat whatever I can find or make.
I'm down with the biggest migraine.
My house is completely frozen. Even the air.
It's hard to breathe.

Remember when I spoke of a balance?
When something good happens,
there's always something bad that happens?
And vice versa?

The only times I had a completely good day, week, month, months
was... nevermind that.
I can't even think anymoar.
I hope I'm the balance for another person, or people.
So I'm actually taking all this, so someone else, or other people, can have a good time.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Another Day

How y'all doing?
It's been quite full-on lately.
Bad situations, conversations,
tempers flaring.
Especially from me I'd have to say.
I would never have expected myself to blog.
Like, at all.
But it seems like, this has been the only place where,
it's been quite, but I haven't felt alone.
Even if I am/might be just talking to myself.
Maybe y'all read this, maybe y'all won't.
I will never know.

But here I am,
struggling through a simple lecture.
So much on my mind.
Music in my ears,
but the lyrics are so cursed so that I may not hear them.
Much to do,
too little time to do them.
There ARE other things I wish I was doing.
But those things would only make ME happy.
So it's not worth troubling everyone else.

Everyday I keep my hope.
Everyday I'm reminded.
Things will never be the same.
Pull my hoodie on.
Close my eyes.
Silence.
It's not nearly as bad as a conversation.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

No.

You know this kind of thing?
THIS, is the kind of thing,
that makes me ANGRY.

Now if you don't know what it is that made me angry.
There's no use acting smart.
You're tricking yourself.


Don't take it easy.
Mr. Jyamaigo

Cold.

Walking down a familiar path,
it's all darkness.
The thrashing winds,
the piercing chill and just freezes you to the bone.
Head bowed.
Rain pours down,
splashing of the car tires on the left side,
the pitter patter of the rain on the roofs on the right side.
Crunching gravel, making it sound like a trek up a mountain.
It's cold. To be honest, it's probably fair to say it was freezing.
Traffic lights flashing, trees' whispers become howls,
the blown leaves whirl like hurricanes.
This all being said.
The walking pace didn't increase,
the mind was emptied,
and there was nothing but a lingering feeling.
A search.
People always talk of the eye of the storm.
That's all that was being looked for.
It wasn't to be found.
There was to be no peace.

And this was only a quarter of the way.
I pulled my jumper closer together.
I really need to get a new one,
one that actually has a zipper that works.
A hoodie that's not so huge that it collects the wind,
instead of keeping my head warm.
Hands frozen to the point of being numb.
Legs completely senseless.
I continued walking.
These things I feel. But -
They're also the things I don't feel.

The umbrella was blown away,
the light backpack in my hand was taken along with it.
The wind tore at me.
How can a place so familiar, become so hostile?
I bowed my head even further at first.
But the wind pulled the hoodie straight off my head.
So I faced it.
It felt like an unstoppable gale, coupled with the strongest vacuum.
Everything was starting to give in.
The cars were lifted like there was no gravity left.
Trees were being uprooted.
The traffic lights shone no longer.
A blinding white light absorbed it all,
and flicked off as suddenly as it had appeared.

I opened my eyes.
I sniffled.
I'm getting sick, it'll go away though,
I haven't been sick for as long as I can remember...
I looked out the window.
What if you do get sick, hmm?
What do you mean? haha
No. Seriously. What would you do?
I think I'll just cave in if I get sick.
If I become completely sick,
If I get a full-blown illness...
I'm gonna just cave into it.

There's really no point anymoar.
No point. At all.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Extension

It's what I need.
In terms of time.
In terms of what I had.
In terms of what I wish I still have.
In terms of just ...
everything.

The Heats are tied up at 2-2 with the Cs.
I'm tied up with everything in life.
This is my playoff.
I have to win though.
Because there's only one chance.
What was the best fan,
the best teammate,
the best supporter.
Is now someone who just...
not isn't.
But just doesn't want to be.

There's no time.
No use.
Talking to me.

Music blasting in my ears.
Finals staring me in the face.
Usually when I say I needa study everything,
It's a joke.
Because I like being prepared,
or...
Semi-prepared.
With my semi-planning.
But this time.
No, I know nothing this time.

Talk?
I wish I could.

Needing someone,
Who doesn't care.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Wondering Hollow.

That almost sounds like a Bleach character,
for any of you that read bleach.

But, i guess the 'wondering' can actually be...
used interchangably with 'wandering'
Because that's what I've been.
Wondering,
and wandering.

Things are grim,
Whenever there's a little hope,
or what I think is hope,
it's just...
wiped away.
It's like completing an assignment.
But everytime you finish it,
and everytime, as it gets better.
The result is that it is just thrown away.

I'm genuinely wondering.
Are you well?
What've you been up to?
Are you cold?
Are you feeling alrite?
Do you need someone to talk to?
Did you eat well?
Did you sleep well?

Do you,
ever think of me?

I have a feeling I know the answer.
Cold winds blow,
and everyday it's the same.

I smile,
I laugh,
I work,
I play,
But inside.
It's always that feeling.
Nothing's there.
It's hollow.

And now, even my laugh and care,
has become something that is questionable.
Funny?
Not really.
If anyone has ever tried it,
or experienced it,
you'd know that it's not even CLOSE to being funny.

Imma skip off this topic now.
Try make something out of my blog post.
I know people like doom and gloom.
And don't worry,
The world has plenty of that.

NBA looking to be interesting.
The Heats up 2-1 in the series.
OKC and the Spurs are tied at 2-2.
At the rate the Spurs were going,
I really did think they were going to sweep OKC as well.
The matches are here and there,
can't wait for game 4 tomorrow of the Heat vs. Celtics
But I need to study.
NBA vs. Study.
I think the series would end sorta like...
4-2.
and NBA doesn't sweep study, simply because...
I actually need to study LOL.

Back to the music talk!
S-Club 7 were at UNSW just yesterday,
heard them rehearse 'Don't Stop Moving'
mannn, that was some nostalgic stuff right there.
News that Pitbull's gonna be having a concert here soon.
Imma keep an eye out on what's goin on and I'll keep y'all posted.

New Music:
Rock The Boat - Bob Sinclair ft. Pitbull
If Looks Could Kill - Timomatic
Dance Again Till the World Ends - Britney Spears ft. Jennifer Lopez & Pitbull
Back In Time - Pitbull
So Good - B.o.B.
Burnin' Up - Ne-Yo


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Uncomfortable.

The art of convincing people you care.
But not actually caring.
Actions and words.
Actions and words.
C'mon people.
It's not hard.

That's the only word I could get.
After reading quite a nice recount too.
Surprising. How people only see things
the way THEY want to see it.

They don't analyse.
The take a side,
and back up their points with,
whatever they can find that suits them.
It's really funny.
Because when someone asks me.
And I analyse.
I do it properly.
The bias may still be there.
But it's minimal.
Because I have the capacity to do so.
I don't think with me emotions.

Second chance?
If you plan to give one.
Give one properly.
Giving someone a second chance
whenever you know they'll fail,
is not called a second chance.

It's called stupidity.
'Don't get me wrong'
I'm not the type to give second chances.
But at least I have the decency
to give them properly when I do.

What kills me?
Knowing she just doesn't care,
at all.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo.

PS. See what I did today?
That was called: being nice and thoughtful.
The response? Well, I'll let you think about that.
Again you've managed to take what I've done,
and cast it all aside. Thanks :)

There she is.

Light brown/beige long sleeve top.
Short black skirt
Stockings
Boots.
Hair flowing with the light breeze.
Legs crossed.
Comfortably seated.

Sexy as ever.

Uninterested however.
I'm not interesting anyway right?

She makes me smile.
Just seeing her, hahaha.
I can't even contain it.
A smile is automatically formed,
when I lay my eyes on her.

What can I do though?

I'm going to jump to another topic.
She's beautiful though.
Pretty, sophisticated,
knows exactly how to handle herself.

I went music hunting today,
and lucky for me there were songs up!
I could finally get some new music to listen to.
Not that it made a difference.
Just a different song to hear while I think.

I'll give y'all a list.
Animal - R.I.O. ft. U-Jean
There She Goes - Taio Cruz ft. Pitbull
Heart Attack - Trey Songz
Scream - Usher
Payphone - Maroon 5 ft. Wiz Khalifa
Amnesia - Ian Carey ft. Rosette, Timbaland, Brasco
Right By Your Side - Chris Brown ft. Nicki Minaj
The Motto - Drake ft. Lil Wayne
The Fighter - Gym Class Heroes ft. Ryan Tedder

There were a few moar,
but can't remember them atm.

I hope I see her again.
I hope I can give her the gift,
of accepting my gifts,
and my presence.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Ring ~

My Heart's a stereo,
it beats for you so listen close.
Hear my thoughts in every note
oh-oh~

Make me your radio,
and turn me up when you feel low

That one person,
I set a unique ringtone for.
I've finally heard it.
So I run over to my phone.
Pretty face smiling at me~
-Slide to answer call.

It was magical.
Everything just disappeared.
The rush, that sense of surprise.
It felt good to feel it again.
I forget everything.
Just to put that phone to my ear.

The voice didn't say much,
but it was the voice nonetheless.
I smiled,
saying Hello a few times,
before I realised what it was.
I kept it next to my ear for as long as I could.

It brought a smile to my face.
That's the voice I'd give everything for.

^__________________^

A glimpse of hope, maybe?


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Should I?

I don't even know.
This use to be the easiest thing.
I wouldn't even need to think.
I'd just be there,
Things would be good.
But I don't even know now.
Should I go?
Grab a coffee or a boost.
Sit down,
Talk,
See how things are.

But no.
Things aren't that easy anymoar.
I wish they were.
They can be.
It's just that now...
I'm scared that my presence...
would only bring grief...
sorrow...
and would make me moar repulsive
than I already am.

So?
Do I go, and be a good person I am?
Or should I not go,
and risk leaving an impression that
I don't care?
Do I go, and try and produce a smile?
Or should I not go,
because
I'm not wanted there?

Decisions.
Dilemmas.
Troubles.

I want to.
But I'm really not sure.
My minds unsettled.
Sleeps not going to be forgiving.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

L

One Thing.
If you hurt as well,
You wouldn't be treating me like this.
Moar importantly.
You wouldn't be treat yourself like this
by purposely treating me the way you do.

And yes. That DOES make sense.
It's gotten to the stage now where...
It's blatantly obvious.

Let's talk about a surprise.
When you go to a birthday party.
That is one that you do not know about.
One that you did not expect.
And the people there surprise you.
Now.
First thing after you're surprised,
what do you do?
You're shocked.
Dumbfounded.
For a short period of time.
Then you smile, or laugh,
or cry.
Because you're glad and happy.

I was informed by actions recently...
[Because actions speak louder than words]
That you first act surprised.
Then you proceed to continue acting surprised.
Stand dumbfoundedly.
And then promptly resume life
Like nothing ever happened.

To be honest.
At VERY first.
I thought words counted.
Then I thought.
Actions were louder than words.
And indeed they are.
BUT.
The pairing of actions AND words.
Is essential.
Because when you mouth the words of actions.
And act on a different set of words.
You're lying.
It doesn't matter to who.
Because you're lying to yourself.

-----------------------------------------------------

It's been a long time since I've been talked to.
A long time since I've been texted even.
A long time since I was interesing.

So before you assume you know it all.
Think.
And maybe.
Just maybe.
Someone has already done and been through,
What you thought you just found out.

THEN tell me it's hard.
THEN you can tell me you know how it feels.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

PS. What would make you happy right now?
My real answer: You know exactly what would.

I feel nothing.

I explained to a friend today.
Feeling nothing, is the most obvious way of seeing that you don't feel nothing.
It's like when someone says, 'It's alright.'
That's probably the best indicator that it's NOT alright.
Well, excluding the cases with a simpler context.

Today was a long and somewhat confusing day.
Emotionally confusing for one, that I must admit to.
Being a guy doesn't really encompass expressing yourself.
Well, I'm a guy, and I'm doing it now.
Okay, okay, laugh all you want.

But it's not just that. I had hours to think today.
'I feel nothing' came out like it was a statement that was thrown around every time this topic was touched.
But... perhaps it was too carelessly said.
So I immediately said what I thought.
I don't get to do that much.
Apparently I have to keep all my thoughts and feelings to myself.
Any expression would just be used to slap me right across my face.

And yes, my friend was indeed hurt. And completely lost.
This'll be anti-climactic, but my phone rang.
I just hope my explanation of that simple concept remained in the air.
Long enough to be taken in,
to be thought about.

And after a whole day of thinking, acting, pretending.
Actually feeling. Feeling quite strongly actually.
It was all too much.
I was like a robot.
My mum rang me. My friend rang me.
Both times. I pulled out my phone.
Looked at it. And realised I needed to pick it up.
I slid the bar of the iPhone to answer the calls.
But they had stopped ringing.

Wherever I went today.
I walked alone most of the way.
My man TSD was able to accompany a not-so-talkative Jyamaigo for a little ways.
But other than that. It felt like there was no one around.
The person I wanted by my side the most,
Well, I don't want to think of what she was doing.

And so my conclusion today?
I can tell y'all right now.
Listen carefully.
Read precisely.

I feel nothing.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Not a Word.

It's nothing. These days, what you type isn't even read.
I read somewhere, something very interesting.
Something I have experience of, first-hand experience.
I'm not proud of knowing I have had this experience either.

When you hate someone,
Everything becomes offensive.

I'll leave that thought with you.
Wherever you may be on that roller-coaster.
Whoops.
I meant 'in life'.

I ran today. 1 hour. 1-2 minute break.
It felt good. It felt refreshing.
It was 9:30-10:30pm at night.
But that made it a lot clearer.
The air was clearer, the air had that slight chill.
It was fresh.
My mind was clearer.
So I thought. I understand.
But I still don't get it.

I have things to do.
Things to get done.
I'm still missing what I need.
I still haven't seen someone properly,
in months.

Maybe I deserve this.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo.

Hate.

Apparently I'm two-faced now.

But there's really not much I can say to that.

And you know the title of this post?

I've been using that as fuel lately.

It feels wrong, and it feels nowhere as good,

as the opposite action.

But it's all I have now.

And I'm an actor.

And when someone wants me to stop acting...

They're not gonna like what they created.

Not

One

Bit.

Take it easy,

Mr. Jyamaigo

LG?

I wish.
And don't we all?
I'm back here, doing my usual rambling and so on.
Two exams down this week, funny how some people ACTUALLY don't care now.
Funny? You know when people start a statement or question with...
"It's funny how..."
Funny how...most of the time... It's NOT funny.
It sounds ridiculous too.
Life's been shitty.
I want to spend money. But what on?
I want to drink and have a good time. But what for?
I want some motivation. I'm feeding off pure negative energy at the moment.
Makes it sound like some sinister movie character. Negative Energy. lol.

And what's up with the full stops?
Emphasis? Did English techniques really stick THAT much?
I doubt it.

Recently had a conversation with a friend.
This person finds absolutely no motivation.
The balance of work and uni...
The freedom of the weekend, and the time spared after work and uni times...
Just needs something to do.
To which I say,
If your life is too planned out.
You'll get bored.
So enjoy it, and enjoy the mysteries and the things you can't control.
Forcing control and forging a path can only be done if it is done perfectly.

Here's where I'll introduce my idea of ... 'Semi-planning'
[Now I'm not sure if anyone else has thought of this... but it just popped into my head one day]
Like the word itself. It's vague.
It's a vague sense of where you're going.
It's a VERY flexible timetable.
It's a creator of freedom without losing sight of what's important.
You may have one goal.
You may have a dream of sorts.
[But since a goal is just a dream with a plan... Just make it a goal too!]
And you can workout how it works.
You build around this structure.

So the fastest way to your goal is a linear path.
Now you take the extras and bonuses,
And put them out like branches. But no moar.
One branch, maybe two. But no moar.
You then go along this pathway and select which branch you'll work on achieving...
BUT, it has to be in parallel to what your main goal(s) is/are.

This idea sounds a bit whack,
And it probably sounds like it will become VERY complicated.
And the truth is... It will.
It's just that with the semi-planning.
Life is still interesting.
Things will come in good time.
Given that you are expecting results for the the efforts you, yourself have put in.

Because if you expect moar than your initial efforts...
All the plans in the WORLD wouldn't satisfy you.
I'm not saying to lower your expectations.
I'm merely saying to expect as much as you've worked for.
In doing this...you might even find some unexpected surprises along the way.

Wow, that was quite long.
Well, everything's still the same on my end.
I'm still miserable.
But c'est la vie.
No one cares.
Or maybe I care too much.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

It's begun.

The transition into a moar strict routine.
It helps, and it's usually for the better, but following the schedule... Just leaves there moar noticeable times where I stop and think. The weather's definitely not helping, it feels the hell like a B-Grade movie, how the weather is somehow mystically controlled by a character's emotions and feelings. But 'meh'.

Smashing some weights out at the gym, I have to say, usually I'd be impressed at the improvements I've made. But now? There's not even a reaction. It's just my mind telling me that it's nothing, and to just keep going. There's nothing to show for it, there's no incentive. It's all just for the bland and obvious aim. To get to the finish. And I don't even know what's there. Some say the Destination IS the Journey. But now that the journey's turned into something worthless and completely unacknowledgeable. The only thing that keeps the show up is the fact that the actor in me still finds it worthwhile. The actor will act, and the truth will be kept. After all. Who wants to listen to the truth right? Everyone wants to listen to what's entertaining and always interesting. That's why there are crazes that people go through, and it won't always be just the same thing that will be catching everyone's attention ALL the time.

I'd like to have my head above the clouds. To maybe imagine that somehow, I could be something else for a while. I know, I know. Just be yourself. But still. Sometimes it seems that being myself isn't really the answer. I'm sure you've all felt this before. You don't even want to be anything. What if you're just...nothing for a while?

Well. That's how I've been... acting like a nothing pretty much LOL.
Caring doesn't work.
It'll make you annoying.
Lesson learned.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Roadrunner.

There's no stopping.
It's just moving,
as fast as it can.
Onward.
The talks boring.

Realisation of an assignment.
Scary stuff.
Nothing's impossible.
Impossible is nothing.
So it's done and submitted.
Quick and easy.

I wish her well with hers.
She seems quite stressed,
and under pressure lately.
How can I help?
I want to help.
Conversation won't start though.
The replies are like the weather.
Cold.
And the weather's strong too.

Make it better please?
I'm missing something so much.
But nothing's missing me.
Come then, assignments
assessments, distractions,
pessimism.

And I wonder,
if anyone knows,
how it feels.

Not feeling too good.
Physically and mentally.
These winter days will be harsh.
And they haven't even started yet.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Right.

A message.
At the right time.
At that exact moment.
Can be as quick,
as the flick of a switch.
To anything.
Any feeling.
And to anyone.

It's been cold.
How y'all been doin'?
I realised I've been...
Talking to myself...
Somewhat...

Every once in a while.
It's good to get a grip,
on reality.
Just to see what's goin' on.

What did I get a grip on?
B.o.B.'s new album.
Strange Clouds.
It's quite good,
The music's a little different.
Songs are good.
Give it a listen.

Other than that,
reality's been freezing cold.
Pun - indeed- intended.

Well, so much to do.
I really don't know,
what to do...
how to act...

Well, push everything else aside.
It's a special day tomorrow...
or...technically...today.
So make it special.
There should be moar than just one,
of these days to celebrate,
what our mothers have done for us.
So since there's only one.
Make it a memorable one.
And reward her,
and let her know,
how special and important she is.
Mother's Day.
Make it special~


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Contrast.

Black. White.
Light. Dark.
Warm. Cold.

We all had that before right?
I mean. The type of feeling...
Where you're physically...
warmed up and feeling comfortable.
In bed after a long day of work?
Shower on a cold day perhaps?
How the realisation of such,
triggers that soft and gently
Sigh~
A smile perhaps.
Followed by the continued
enjoyment of the feeling.
Hopefully.
For as long as it lasts.

There's also another way,
this type of feeling could play out.
When you're warm,
feeling cosy.
You realise the feeling,
or at least the familiarity.
Then it's like your insides,
just froze.
A smile tries to creep on,
as that's the natural reaction.
But you can't.
You feel nothing.
You feel like nothing.
Trying to think of happy things...
only makes it worse.

What's worse?
It's not that no one cares.
Because you know they don't.
It's the fact that...
The person who you want, to care.
Doesn't care.
Doesn't know.
Doesn't want to know.

Motivation.
Determination.
Inspiration.
These can stem from
any feeling.
It's just a lot easier,
when it stems from a positive thing.

And right now?
I don't even know,
where I can get ANY of that.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Questions.

Unanswered?
Or maybe I don't want,
The answer.

Everything I've done.
Has become...
The things I haven't done.
Does this make sense?
Is this fair?
Really?
Everything that you do,
becomes undone,
because...
you're just not that guy anymoar.
And when you're not,
that guy anymoar.
You pay the price.
For all your effort.

Nothing is seen of you.
Nothing is wanted from you.
Nothing wants to be heard from you.
NOTHING.

yet it means EVERYTHING
to you.
It USE to mean EVERYTHING.

It's not that easy?
It's not that simple?
It is.
And it's plain and simple.
TRY.

But no.
Even that's too much.
I don't know...
What's wrong with me.
But I'm angry.
I'm pissed off.
I'm frustrated.
I'm weak.
I'm hurt.

And if I said.
I felt nothing.
You'll all know...
It's the BIGGEST
LIE.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Something unknown.

Little Box.
Labels.
Technical Terms.
Jargon... they call it.

Funny thing is though.
Next to the labels.
It was uniform.
The whole column.
Noughts.
Zeros.
0.

Then what is it?
I have no idea.
It's definitely not the first time,
I've tried something,
without knowing what it was.

But it's another one of the first times.
Choosing.
To try something.
Having no idea what it is.
Well.
Not knowing in depth.

It's a risk though.
And right about now.
There's nothing moar...
I want to do...
Than take a risk.

I don't want the control.
It'll do what it does.
And...
Well...
Either way.

I'm confident.
It'll be good.
No,
It's not a belief.
It's a choice.
And I'm making it.

Sounds fun right?!
;P

I'll let y'all know.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Noise.

Have you been hated before?

Have you hated someone before?

The noise is unbearable.
Even in the silence.
It doesn't matter what you do.
It's always going to be there.
It's trapped in there.
Not just anywhere.
But in your head.
Where it'll stay.
Unless a single word.
Can join both parties.

I know words which fit,
That description.
But I know not which one to use.

I hear arguments everyday.
Morning
Afternoon
Evening
Midnight, sometimes.

Both sides battling it out.
Taking a stab.
Realising it's wrong.
Taking another stab,
just to cover up the last one.
And on it goes.
Oh, the hate.

When people tell you that,
Two negatives,
make a positive.
Don't believe them.
It doesn't.
I can see clearly,
When I hear these...
Exchange of words.
But it's not my call.

It's never going to be.
I feel the truth in rare moments.
Where I realise why this...
Argument...
Has taken place to begin with.
It pains me.
To feel...
That they know how they feel.
They just don't know how...
The other feels.
They just don't want to be the...
Weak one.
So to speak.

Little do they know...
That if they both understood,
How much support they
actually need to provide each other...
There would not be...
Even a Single Second
That can be wasted...
Arguing.

To everyone else though.
It's just noise.
A din.
Annoying and unbearable.
Sometimes even the closest people...
Just want to tell them to shut up.

Dig deeper though.
Discarding one item,
and acquiring another...
is just the easy way out.
You can't keep replacing,
forever.

Fixing things when they break,
is the hardest step.
But it's the one that's right.
The one that will heal you.
The one that will teach you.
The one that will show you...

That it doesn't have to be like this.
It can be 'like how it use to'.
But it doesn't stop there.
When you hit a low point.
The only way you can go, is up.
So go up.
It will only get better.

There's never a good reason.
To hurt.

So next time you run into something.
Fix it.
[it's always easier said than done.]
Give it your all.
And fix it.

It saves everything.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

PS. wish I could talk.

It's past 3am.

All I can hope for... Is that they all had fun. Celebrated well. Rest and enjoy a day. What am I doing up? I have work tomorrow. I don't care. It's past 3am. iPhone screens lit. Typing on the small keys. Thinking Of only one thing. There's silence. I'm cold. I'm cold. I'm ... Freezing. I'm alone. In the darkness. Take it easy, Mr. Jyamaigo

Un-understand.

Where you use to know.
Always knew.
Now you know not.
Now you pretend...
To know not.
And now,
You've done it so much...
You're not sure...
If you actually know...
At all.

Woke with blood in the mouth.
Staring at bloody bruise marks,
on my shoulders.
Woke yesterday with a long cut,
down the side of my calf muscle.
Wake everyday...
Wishing for a better day.
A day where I can...
See that person again.
See that person...
Standing there looking...
at me.
Sitting there...
Sipping coffee with me.

I have no reason.
To do anything.
I have nothing.
To look forward to.

And still...
That person still doesn't...
See
or
Hear
me.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Can you hear me?

You.
Can you hear me?
At all?
You're in distress.
Are you there?
You're under stress.
Let me help you.

Maybe...

No, not maybe.
Let me.
Don't even think.
Can't you see?
SiiGH.

Meh...

It's been all too quiet.
I'm blind now.
I haven't seen
What I've wanted to see,
for a long time.
I'm deaf too.
I haven't heard a single word.
I'm unable to feel.

Wish you could hear me.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Working Hard.

I'd say I usually mean it in...
An overall sense.
But this time,
I think I'll say it about training.

Gym's been going well.
#GoodFeeling
I can see the progress.
But it's getting a bit ...
Hollow.
It now seems,
Just like something that...
I'm going to get done.

There's no explanations.
No motivation.
No inspiration.
No questions.

Maybe Nike's right.
Just do it.

You ever felt that?
Anywayz.

I saw some nice headphones.
Sony MDRAS30G.
Look em up.
They look a little special.
After hearing the quality,
of my mate's headphones,
which came for a bargain price.
Got me interested =P
It's either new headphones.
Or new iPod Shuffle.
Decisions, decisions.
#Firstworldproblems

BTW Listen to:
Flo Rida - Whistle
Calvin Harris ft. Ne-Yo - Let's Go
Bag Raiders - Shooting Stars
Chris Brown - Turn Up The Music

Hahaha, aights.
Still blue.
It's all still quiet.
I'm waiting.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

What's going on?

Nothing Much.
Don't Care.
Don't think about it.
Don't really even know...
What's goin' on.

It just seems correct to act,
in a certain way.
So I do it. I'm not really...
Thinking.
So to speak.

It's moar like...
I'm doing what I think would...
hurt? no,
That's too harsh.
Maybe just a little bit of everything.

I hope starving's not an idea.
Starving is bad.
Don't do it because of me.
Don't do it because you think...
it's a healthy diet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When you're blue.
Remember.
Even the taste of ice cream...
The sweetness will overwhelm
your senses.
The coldness will freeze
your senses.
Now, not only are you down.
You're also uncomfortable.
And the ice cream is just another...
Reminder.
How sharing ice cream,
use to warm you up.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

P.S. Imma start using TiE. See if I can set that trend =P
 TiE = Take it Easy

Things to do.

Now that those exams are done.
There now is a time of nothing.
Well, that's what we all tend to think.
Or want to think.

---

Before you think of anything else tho...
Think of one thing.
And one thing only.
THE AVENGERS.
WATCH IT.
ENJOY IT.
MARVEL AT IT.
(See what I did there? =P)
IT IS ABSOLUTELY AWESOME.
DO NOT MISS IT.
WAITING FOR A TORRENT...
WILL NOT DO IT JUSTICE!!!
Don't make a stupid-ass decision.

---

And during this time,
and to be honest, a little before too,
I've complied a list of things that...
I would say I need.
Majority turned out to be wants.
But since the term is used so...
Interchangeably these days.
I guess it's no harm saying either.
Right? =P

- Nike Free Runs.
-- Ray Ban Aviators
(Have not browsed yet LOL)
--- New Optical Glasses
(Ones that will not leave scars on my nose)
---- Moar sports shorts.
----- New pair of jeans.
------ Pair of casual shoes.
------- Ferrari Leather Gloves
-------- Ferrari Leather Jacket.

There.
Okay, maybe NOT the Ferrari items
Hahahaha,

But now I've realised.
I need a haircut moar than anything.
And just as I thought of that...

Tutorial Work due next week,
Anatomy assignment also due,
Biomechanics quiz the week after.

It's already week 8
Of the First semester.

But nonetheless,
I've not wasted my time...
Much...
I'll have a surprise for y'all soon.
Keep an eye out.

And...
I wish my babe well today in her exams!
: ) You studied hard bub. Kill it!


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Addiction? Or Obsession?

Well.

There's this game.

http://www.foddy.net/Athletics.html

You decide.

Oh, the song was Misery - Maroon 5


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Lying.

Thought about the title for a long time.
Spent most of the day thinking about that.
Is lying a gift? Or a curse?

Anyway, I'm really tired now
Nothing much I can blog.

~I am in misery,
There ain't no-body who can comfort me.

Guess the song.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Iron-y.

Dull days
Purposes present.
Purposes ignored.

Days slug on by
Everyday feels like an eternity
As I simply long for something so simple.
Yet seemingly moar...
Unattainable as each day passes.
The days literally feel like weeks.
And weeks, like years.
I'm blue.

Gym session's going well!
Hit the weights hard today.
Felt empty, but still had a driving force.
Concentration's the only thing lacking.
Doesn't help that it's very important.
So I'm here, typing away,
with no feeling in my last two digits
of my left hand.

Exam's coming up.
Anzac Day also.

I also found it, ironic.
Some things.

Enough from me.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Pitch Black.

Well, It's past midnight.
Lights off.
All black, everything.
It's literally pitch black.
But the screen on which I now type.

It's quiet.
I don't like noise.
But I don't like the silence of...
Knowing that only a lone pair of hands,
Types to a space of nothing.

I'm meant to be asleep.
I'm meant to be studying.
Sleeping on it,
So to speak.
Hahaha

Two big tests to knock down
Tomorrow.
Then to celebrate?
Whether pass or fail?
There's work.

Not for my man TSD tho.
That boy better be havin' his fun.
Makin' his special day special,
For his cookie =P
He knows what I mean.
Congratulations to you my brother.

Sleep soundly.
I'll protect you all from right here.
Rest easy.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

It's okay?

No, it's fine.

I'll be aight, brother.

You take care now.

Aight. See you again soon.

The rain pushes it up a notch.

Raindrops sharply piercing anything it meets.

They make their way through the rain,

through the roads,

umbrella in hand,

hands shivering in the cold,

they smile and converse.

He paces.

Takes a look at the screen.

Still the same wallpaper staring up,

with those pretty eyes.

No response text.

They say there's a first time for everything.

Then today's a significant day.

First time I've been left to wait...

For someone to show up who never did.

Take it easy,

Mr. Jyamaigo

Interesting.

Found something that I thought...
Was quite intriguing.

You know how when you stay in water for too long?
And your fingers get wrinkly?

Turns out...
That might NOT be because...
Your fingers have absorbed the water...

Have a read:
http://www.nature.com/news/2011/110628/full/news.2011.388.html

Saw that on facebook,
While I was skimming through the memes.
LOL
The NBA memes are pretty funny too.

I'm bored.

A tear.
A smile.
Still adorable.
^__^


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Used to know.

There was someone I use to know.
Who just seemed to know everything.
Sophisticated.
Classy.
Witty.
Intelligent.
Yet as naive as anyone could be.

It's like that.
I can truly say that I use to know someone...
Except when I say this.
I'm actually quite sure I really use to know...
Someone who was like that.
Someone who was smart enough,
Yet too scared to let you participate in anything,
That would even remotely put you in the path of...
Pain and risk.
Your pain, would be their pain.

And to see the change at present.
The distance shining through their eyes.
The look of avoidance instead of confrontation.
"No one can stop you if you want to do something."

Haha

Maybe the world has evolved,
And left me behind.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo

Another Night.

Thought I'd spend the night out,
As late as I could.
To a certain extent...
I did.
Trained my share at the gym
Ate my share of El Jannahs with friends
Travelled my share.
I made a surprise visit.
Simple visit to the person most dear to me.

I bought a coffee hot chocolate.
Coffee after late afternoon disturbs sleeping patterns.
Well. For most people at least.
So hot chocolate it was.
It was a cold night.
Hot chocolate warms you to your very soul,
as they say.

But that was not to be.
See...
That hot chocolate was not bought for myself.
It was bought for someone I cared for.

The reluctance of accepting a gift.
The assumed burden it brings.
The giver of the gift.

Whatever the reason.
What's done is done.

So that hot chocolate became...
The fastest consumed beverage of the night.

I'll ask first next time.


Take it easy,
Mr. Jyamaigo